relationships | Rohini Ross - Part 17

Bossiness is in the Eye of the Beholder

This is not an example of Angus at his best with listening. He normally does a better job of disguising his inattentiveness, but it is a good example of how we each live in our own separate reality. I can think I am being helpful and Angus can think I am bossy. What is even more amazing is I can be doing the same thing and from one state of mind, Angus can see me as helpful and from another state of mind he can see me as bossy. I can also be completely blind to my bossiness and see...

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Sh*t heads are love too!

Blooper included in the video highlighting our message that there is room for humanness in life. We don’t always have to be our best. The world doesn’t end when we get reactive. I used to feel so fragile in the face of Angus’ reactivity and irritability. I wanted him to change. It never occurred to me that I didn’t have to take his behavior personally. I didn’t realize it was even possible, and I was blind to my own reactivity.   I focused on his and ignored my own. I expected him to change. I badgered and complained and nagged. He would...

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He Said, She Said: Separate Realities and Germs

Angus and I live in separate realities when it comes to dirt and germs. He has a lot more thinking about them than I do. His coping mechanism for dealing with all that thought is hand sanitizer and hand washing. We aren’t going to see things the same way any time soon, but we have found a lighthearted way to be with each other about it. We can accept that reality looks different for us in this area and then find ways to navigate the differences that work for both of us.   I have to let go of my judgment that...

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He Said, She Said: More on Angus’ Absentmindedness

This time Angus keeps his pants on but loses a baby. In order for our relationship to work, I needed to learn that my wellbeing was not dependent on Angus having a good memory or being focused. It looked like it was for many years, but finally, I got to see more clearly that my upset was not coming from his behavior. This helped me to get over my frustration and incredulity so much more quickly and accept Angus as he is, absentmindedness included. It was better for us and better for me! Do you have something in your life...

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He Said, She Said: Becoming Less Reactive to Criticism

Angus and I usually get a deeper understanding of the Principles before we present a workshop. This time we each got to learn from seeing how we can get reactive with each other related to brainstorming. From seeing this, we were able to take our sensitivities more lightly. This allowed the workshop preparation process to be so much more kind and fun. I had room for Angus to be sensitive to my comments and didn't take it personally if he got prickly. This allowed him to see he was reacting to his own thinking and not me. We each got...

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He Said, She Said: Authenticity in Relationships

In this week's Vlog, we point to the importance of authenticity for experiencing intimacy in relationships. This may be obvious, but it is not always easy. And sometimes it is invisible to us when we are not showing up in an honest way.   The opportunity for me is to trust in both Angus's and my resilience so I speak up rather than soldiering on and maintaining an unhealthy status quo. When I do this I am usually surprised by how easy it is to share what is important.   Let me know what supports intimacy in your relationships. And if you would like to...

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He Said, She Said: Eliminating Relationship Baggage

Angus recalls the time I barricaded him out of our apartment, and then my therapist told me I had abandonment issues. Angus thought he brought his own baggage to our relationship as well. We both accepted these limitations as part of who we were and resigned ourselves to a challenging relationship because of them.   We are both so grateful to the understanding of the principles that helps us see that we don't have issues. All we have is thought in the moment that temporarily gets in the way of us experiencing peace of mind and our true loving nature. It was...

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He Said, She Said: Angus’s Screen Saver Mode

Angus shares how he needs time to rev up in the mornings, and how when he chills, he goes into screen saver mode. This mode can result in communication problems with Rohini because she thinks Angus's brain is fully functioning when it is actually off-line. Angus sees the benefit of letting her know when he needs space so he doesn't get resentful and so there aren't misunderstandings. Join Angus and Rohini at their upcoming workshop in Topanga April 28-29. Click here for more information.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success....

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He Said, She Said: Sex and Connection

Is it Shrek? Is it a giant and a pygmy in a shed, or is it Angus and Rohini in their sauna talking about what used to get in the way of sex? Or how even now they may have to navigate different levels of desire. As Angus says, it is all about connection. There is more than one way to get there, but that is what we both want.   And, I do know that Angus did not cause my resentment. I was just taking his behavior personally rather than being able to understand and have compassion for his suffering. If...

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He Said, She Said: More Peace, Less Reactivity

Angus shares how he is experiencing greater freedom from his reactive thoughts. He can have them without feeling compelled to act on them. I can certainly take a leaf out of his book. We are enjoying the peace and looking forward to a relaxing weekend of recharging!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection...

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