Avoiding Resentment

Resentment nearly destroyed our marriage. Lessons learned are to have the willingness and courage to maintain open and honest communication and to not make assumptions about where that communication will take you. In your vulnerability, you open up to the power of your impersonal nature so your wisdom can guide you beyond the fears of the intellect. This is the realm of possibility and hopefulness. Learning, growth, and change are always possible.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate...

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Saying Yes For An Easy Life

Angus used to take what looked like the easy route by saying yes to Rohini in order to avoid a potential emotional reaction on her part, but it usually still ended in grief and suffering down the road because he wouldn't follow through and Rohini would feel disappointed and dismayed by his disregard for keeping agreements. Have a deeper connection with their wellbeing coming from within helped them both.   When Angus became more connected with his inner wellbeing, he was less concerned about Rohini's emotional reactions, and with Rohini being more connected with her wellbeing she was less emotionally reactive. She...

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The Ego Doesn’t Know When to Stop

Angus points to how easy it is to get sucked in the ego’s desire for more. From the personal view, there is never enough. The ego keeps looking for the pot of gold thinking just one more thing and then I will feel better. It is easy to get caught up in this pattern. Rohini had a sore back and wasn’t feeling well earlier in the week. She recognized how she got enamored with her intellect and forgot to listen to her deeper wisdom that was telling her to relax and slow down. In addition to the constellation of thoughts...

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Navigating Defensiveness In Relationships

Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person's behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini...

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The Secret Sauce For Relationships

Heartfelt apologies and being able to make up after conflict is the secret sauce that makes relationships resilient and increases intimacy and goodwill. Even though Angus and Rohini were naturally inclined to get over things and move on, Rohini couldn't help herself and brought yet another technique into their relationship. This did not foster goodwill and felt inauthentic. For the secret sauce to work it needs to be genuine and heartfelt.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom...

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Angry Behavior is an Attempt to Get Back to Love

One of the biggest challenges for relationships is angry behavior. Most of the focus on how to solve this problem is to reduce reactivity. This is a worthy goal but offers no solutions for when reactivity happens. This often leaves people judging themselves when they are reactive and missing that it is a misguided attempt to get back to love.   I had a recent blow out with my daughter where I behaved badly and sad hurtful things. We revisited the situation recently, and I acknowledged I was out of line. I was struck by how magnanimous she was. She said we...

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Beyond the Game of Pleasure and Pain

One of the things I have been really enjoying in my work recently whether it be in supervision sessions with coaches, working with clients, or facilitating the Rewilding Experience, is helping people to see the innate wisdom that is unfolding right before their eyes. It reminds me of how Syd Banks said you are enlightened, you just don’t know it. Or of the Sri Ramana Maharishi quote:   Realisation is nothing to be gained afresh; it is already there. All that is necessary is to get rid of the thought ‘I have not realised.   We can be so wedded to our ideas of...

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Rohini Ross

Ego Crushing Reflections on Mother’s Day

I am writing this on Mother's Day as Angus and my eldest daughter are cooking brunch in the kitchen. It's a cool day compared to the last days that were really warm, but there is a clear blue sky and the bougainvillea's pink flowers are gently swaying in the breeze. I can hear clattering in the kitchen, but they seem to be working out their cooking differences amicable.   Our youngest daughter has chosen to enter a residential program for her mental health so she is not with us today. She wanted to attend a traditional program that had nothing to do...

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The Myth That We Need To Work On Relationships

The myth that we need to work on relationships is based on the misunderstanding that relationships and the people we love require work in addition to everything else we do in life.   The good news is that relationships work beautifully and naturally all by themselves. We are designed to be in relationship with one another whether that be romantically, in friendship, in community, or professionally. We are relational beings.   When we find ourselves upset in a relationship the problem is not the relationship. The problem isn’t even with the other person. The problem is with our own misuse of our personal mind....

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We Came Back From Being A Lost Cause Relationship

It can be very hard for couples to see that the other person is not responsible for their upset. I’m upset because she doesn’t want to have sex. I’m upset because he yelled at me. These look true. It looks like the lack of sex causes upset. It looks like the yelling is what causes the hurt.   It looks like the solution is for the other person to change. I wouldn't be upset if he or she were different.   That is often how couples come to Angus and me, thinking that with our help we will get their partner to change so they...

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