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Relationship Crisis or Wake Up Call?

Life has its way of giving us feedback and letting us know when we are going in a painful direction. The feedback shows up in many forms. One of the forms is a relationship crisis. Unfortunately, however, often when this occurs rather than this being seen as an awakening process, it is perceived as a relationship issue. The solution then looks like it is about fixing or improving the relationship or getting a new relationship rather than looking to the inner opportunity for growth. I have certainly fallen into this category.   The crisis is not a commentary on the relationship. It...

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How to Avoid Going Stir-Crazy When You Have To Stay Home!

I was reading recently how some gurus in India expect their disciples to become ascetics and recluses, while others encourage family life and duties. It was indicated that most gurus consider family life more difficult than renunciation, with family life suitable only for a balanced and mature personality.   I was reflecting on this as social distancing and stay at home measures are being implemented to help slow down the rate that people are getting sick from COVID-19. I listened to an episode of the New York Times Daily where a couple was going to be spending significantly more time together because...

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We Came Back From Being A Lost Cause Relationship

It can be very hard for couples to see that the other person is not responsible for their upset. I’m upset because she doesn’t want to have sex. I’m upset because he yelled at me. These look true. It looks like the lack of sex causes upset. It looks like the yelling is what causes the hurt.   It looks like the solution is for the other person to change. I wouldn't be upset if he or she were different.   That is often how couples come to Angus and me, thinking that with our help we will get their partner to change so they...

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Seeing Psychological Innocence Is Not The Same As Being A Doormat

There can be confusion between seeing someone's psychological innocence and condoning their behavior. The two are often conflated. This Vlog hopefully clarifies this and if it doesn't please leave questions in the comments below.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders". They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by opening them up to their innate vitality and resilience. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples intensives that rewild relationships back to their natural state...

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The Natural Gifts We Bring to Relationships

[embed]https://www.facebook.com/rohini.ross/videos/10222460446205959/[/embed]   I’ve always loved Angus’s natural drive to make situations fun and lighthearted. He always seemed so much better at it than me. I didn’t realize it was his coping mechanism for having a low tolerance for boredom. Nonetheless, I enjoy this about him tremendously and feel my life has been significantly enriched by it. It has brought out my lightheartedness more. How about you share with someone you love what you appreciate about what they naturally bring to your relationship? They may not even realize it. Let us know how it goes in the comments below.   Angus & Rohini Ross are...

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Letting Go Of Blame

In relationships, it can be really hard to let go of blame. I can look true that someone else is responsible for our experience. It is assumed that certain actions automatically cause certain feelings.   Another reason it seems hard to let go of blame is the idea that if we let go of blame we are condoning the behavior.   But they don't go together!   I can see Hitler’s psychological innocence and not condone the holocaust.   Viktor Frankel can feel goodwill and compassion for his oppressor. It doesn't mean he agreed with the Nazi's.   A brother of a murder victim can forgive the perpetrator while not...

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The Misunderstanding Behind Conflict

If you want to have less of something in your life, it is helpful to understand the cause of it. If you are experiencing more conflict than you would like in your relationships, rather than looking at the content of what the conflict is about, look to what is the source of the upset is.   There are probably different things that you get reactive and angry about. The possible list is infinite. So in order to experience less reactivity, rather than looking in the direction of what you are upset about or what you are blaming for your upset, instead let’s...

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Don’t Trust Your Low Mood Thoughts

We have been fighting a bug in our household that has impacted our state of mind. I woke up in a panic attack this morning. One of our daughters was freaking out yesterday, and Angus entered the darkness last weekend. Fortunately, we are all coming out the other side of it, and it has been helpful when we have remembered to not take our low mood thinking or the other person's low mood thinking seriously in the process. Hopefully, you find our experience helpful to you.   Here are the links I mentioned: 3PGC Online Conference that is happening this weekend https://3pgc.org/2020-online-conference/   Dr. Amy Johnson's...

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Blame and Relationships

[embed]https://www.facebook.com/rohini.ross/videos/10222320461706434/[/embed]   Angus has a love-hate relationship with the Vlog and we have that with each other at times. This morning is an example of us falling into blame with each other making the other person responsible for our low moods. Fortunately, we take our blind spots lightly and eventually remember the feelings will pass. Blame is just a misguided attempt to feel better. But when we remember that feelings change and experience comes and goes naturally there is no need to resort to blame. The feeling of warmth and love in the relationship doesn’t need to be sacrificed just because our state...

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Angus Unchained

Rohini is getting over her Valentine's Day "grinchiness" and getting into the spirit of the day. Angus shares what he is seeing around the profound resilience we each have inside to regulate. We don't need to regulate ourselves. Our design is to regulate. No experience is wrong or abnormal it is all just part of the experience of being human. Seeing this helps us to be more comfortable with whatever our experience is.   Rohini can see how her resistance to her experience would often lead to conflict between Angus and her because she would try to self-regulate through regulating him. It...

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