The Misunderstanding Behind Codependence

There is a significant emphasis in current relationship advice given to embracing autonomy and individuality in relationships in order to have a healthy, sustaining relationship. Interdependence is good and codependence is bad. This makes sense in theory, but having no elements of codependence in a relationship is very unlikely and sets up a focus of seeing codependency as a problem to be fixed rather than the innocent by-product of a misunderstanding.   There is no point in spending time fixing by-products. It is tireless and never-ending work. However, as soon as a misunderstanding is clarified, the by-product of the misunderstanding is immediately and...

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Reflection List For Singles Who Want To Be In A Relationship

Here is a reflection list to help you see how willing you are and what your availability is to partnership. It is not a formula. These are simply questions to reflect on and see what occurs to you about your openness to both dating and partnership.   Are you hopeful about being in a relationship?   Many people I speak to that want to be in a relationship are not hopeful about it. They feel discouraged. They are jaded. They say they want partnership, but they have given up hope. They feel like somehow it is just not in the cards for them.   However, if...

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Understanding How The Mind Works, Inner Freedom, and Loving Relationships

Understanding How The Mind Works, Inner Freedom, and Loving Relationships -- what do they all have in common?   Last week’s blog focused on getting comfortable with the ups and downs of the human experience and how that benefits relationships. I scheduled my blog in my newsletter to send on Monday morning, and for the second time, in a not very long period of time, my website went down on a Monday so none of the links in my newsletter worked. This came after a very challenging Father’s Day with one daughter saying she does not feel supported by Angus and me,...

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Being Okay With Your Feelings is the Best Thing You Can Do For Your Relationship

Being okay with your feelings is the best thing you can do for your relationship and all areas of your life.   But how do you do that?   It seems like we innocently live out our beliefs no matter how faulty they might be, and we are at the effect of them emotionally.   How do you get more freedom?   I spent many years of my life searching for that answer first in yoga and meditation practices then in various psychotherapies. I would diligently practice various techniques to try to have less emotional suffering and to experience more inner peace. But it was such hard work....

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How Are You In Yourself? Relationship Quality is a Reflection of Wellbeing

Heading back home today after a wonderful time in England. What stood out for me this trip is the ease with which Angus and I got along. The typical challenges of jet lag, nerves before speaking, driving on the other side of the road, navigating from A to B, getting to the airport on time, and other daily challenges didn’t result in conflict or bickering. This was not because we were trying harder to get along, working on our relationship, or have achieved superhuman status.   It really is the by-product of each of us being connected with our wellbeing independent...

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Angus’ Disco Dance & Rewilding Your Relationship

Angus was disappointed because he didn't have time to share his rewilding metaphor regarding rewilding relationships in the breakout session that we did at the 3PUK conference so he shares it here. Most importantly we want you to see for yourselves that you don't need to put any energy into managing or taming yourself or anyone else. It doesn't evoke the feeling of love in a relationship, and there is no need to because there is an infinite intelligence beyond our intellect that is unfolding perfectly. We can simply allow that to express and enjoy the results of the deeper...

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What Color Is Your Relationship?

There are the Five Love Languages outlined in Gary Chapman's book that describes the ways we like to feel loved and appreciated. There could also be the five colors of relationship designated for different relationship states. Blue for distant. Red for conflictual. Yellow for competitive. Black for dead, and white for peaceful. These are of course made up and random. ` What is helpful, however, is not determining the color of your relationship, rather it is understanding that the color of your relationship is a reflection of the color of the two people in it. I am not talking about skin color....

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