love | Rohini Ross

Healthy Relationships and Conflict

We used to think that conflict was bad and that it meant there was something wrong with our relationship. This put pressure on us to try and improve ourselves and improve our relationship. All this did was make us more tense and it had us focus on what was wrong rather than appreciate and be grateful for what we did have. Now we see that it is okay if our relationship has conflict from time to time. It is not the end of the world. It doesn't mean anything about us or our relationship. What is more important is that...

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Insecurity and Relationship Conflict

Angus and I noticed a pattern earlier in our relationship where when one of us was nervous we were more likely to get into conflict. This week we passed an invisible test when that didn't happen even though I had been feeling nervous. What was different was I was better able to tolerate my feelings of insecurity and be comfortable in the discomfort. In the past, as a way to try and avoid the experience of insecurity, one of us would turn to blame and make the other person responsible for our feelings in a misguided attempt to try and...

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How to Navigate Conflict in Relationships

It is easy to get discouraged in the face of conflict. Couples often believe that conflict means they are incompatible. However, the issues that are the content of the conflict are often easily resolved when each person is in an open-hearted and relaxed frame of mind. The challenge with conflict then is not usually the issue. It is with how attached we can become to defending our position and how unwilling we can be to really seek to understand our partner.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord...

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Self-Judgment and Hot Button Topics

Hot button topics usually result in conflict when they are discussed. Anger is often used to deflect away from the subject. Finances used to be a hot button topic for us. Angus shares how his self-judgment and ensuing shame made it very difficult to discuss in a reasonable way. And Rohini would usually take Angus's anger personally. The antidote was for us to be vulnerable with each other and so we really understand each other's experiences. And when we weren't able to do that to see each other's psychological innocence, knowing we were each doing the best we could.   Angus &...

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Emotional Intimacy

The ability to experience emotional intimacy in a relationship is a reflection of one's capacity to be open one's own emotional experience. Angus points out that often when we are seeking greater emotional intimacy with someone else it is a misguided attempt to fill the painful void of feeling separate from one's spiritual nature. Relationships are not designed to fill that void and they suffer when unrealistic expectations are placed on them to do so.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them...

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Avoiding Resentment

Resentment nearly destroyed our marriage. Lessons learned are to have the willingness and courage to maintain open and honest communication and to not make assumptions about where that communication will take you. In your vulnerability, you open up to the power of your impersonal nature so your wisdom can guide you beyond the fears of the intellect. This is the realm of possibility and hopefulness. Learning, growth, and change are always possible.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate...

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Saying Yes For An Easy Life

Angus used to take what looked like the easy route by saying yes to Rohini in order to avoid a potential emotional reaction on her part, but it usually still ended in grief and suffering down the road because he wouldn't follow through and Rohini would feel disappointed and dismayed by his disregard for keeping agreements. Have a deeper connection with their wellbeing coming from within helped them both.   When Angus became more connected with his inner wellbeing, he was less concerned about Rohini's emotional reactions, and with Rohini being more connected with her wellbeing she was less emotionally reactive. She...

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The Ego Doesn’t Know When to Stop

Angus points to how easy it is to get sucked in the ego’s desire for more. From the personal view, there is never enough. The ego keeps looking for the pot of gold thinking just one more thing and then I will feel better. It is easy to get caught up in this pattern. Rohini had a sore back and wasn’t feeling well earlier in the week. She recognized how she got enamored with her intellect and forgot to listen to her deeper wisdom that was telling her to relax and slow down. In addition to the constellation of thoughts...

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Navigating Defensiveness In Relationships

Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person's behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini...

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The Secret Sauce For Relationships

Heartfelt apologies and being able to make up after conflict is the secret sauce that makes relationships resilient and increases intimacy and goodwill. Even though Angus and Rohini were naturally inclined to get over things and move on, Rohini couldn't help herself and brought yet another technique into their relationship. This did not foster goodwill and felt inauthentic. For the secret sauce to work it needs to be genuine and heartfelt.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom...

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