love | Rohini Ross - Part 7

Sexual Frustration is in the Mind

Sexual Frustration is in the Mind. This is our contribution to International Women’s Day. Sexual frustration is made up. In the past, Angus and I would have a lot of conflict over the frequency of sex. He would take personally if I had a low sex drive. I would take it personally that he would take it personally and goodwill would plummet in our relationship. And along with it my desire for sex would decrease even further and Angus' frustration would intensify. It began to look like a real problem between us as our resentment grew. What we both see now is...

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Instant Pot Blow Up

Angus doesn’t like change. He wasn’t pleased when I replaced the pressure cooker he loves that has a coating on the bottom that is peeling off with a stainless steel Instant Pot. He kept the old pot, but conceded to use the new pot. We had a hangry blow up this week when the new pot seemed to be malfunctioning with a burn feature, and I went to get something else to eat. That was too much for Angus already out of his comfort zone using the new pot. I did not stay neutral and reacted to his anger, but...

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Impossible to Possible: Easier Than You Think

Whether it is trying to solve a crossword puzzle or reconnect in your relationship, the solution comes from the same place: a new thought, a fresh realization, a new way of seeing things. What looks impossible from a sped up, stirred up mind, contracted mind is obvious and common sense when you look at it with fresh eyes and a clear, relaxed, open mind. Understanding the contracting and expanding nature of your mind makes life so much easier. You don’t need to control or manage yourself when you have a glimpse of how the mind works. With understanding, it is easier...

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The Random Nature of Our Emotional Experience

This Vlog was going to be an inspiring message about how it is possible to stay neutral and philosophical even in the face of challenges, but then Angus had a bit of a wobbler when the dog started wandering around and the more relevant point became how random it is what thoughts we get stirred up by and which ones we don’t. We sailed through some pretty big challenges, for the most part unruffled, but the dog knocking over the light and looking like he was going to eat the orchid got under Angus’ skin.   This just points to how random...

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Did I Choose the Wrong Partner?

This question comes up frequently when we work with couples who are struggling in their relationship and is a question we have both asked ourselves in the past. We really thought that we might have irreconcilable differences. What we didn’t know is that we were seeing each other through the lens of our low moods. Our discontent was a reflection of our thoughts, not each other or our relationship. We were experiencing our own consciousness and not the other person. Now if it starts to look like life would be better if I wasn’t married to Angus, I know I’m buying into...

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Celebrating Martin Luther King Jr. and Remembering the Dream!

Darkness cannot drive out darkness; only light can do that. Hate cannot drive out hate; only love can do that. -- Martin Luther King, Jr.   Today is Martin Luther King Jr. day in the United States. It is a holiday that commemorates Dr. King's life and work. He led a movement for racial justice and equality and embraced nonviolent action as a powerful revolutionary force for social change. He employed Gandhi's philosophy of nonviolence as the means to confront racist laws and discrimination in America. His work made a significant contribution to President Lyndon Johnson signing into law the historic Civil Rights...

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Angus’ Wail Song

I think we can all relate to getting irritated with our partner. Sometimes it just blows over. Other times it blows up. Angus shares his experience where he felt irritated toward me but then woke up to how he was thinking of all kinds of negative things about me. In seeing what he was doing, it then made sense to him to not keep going down that rabbit hole because he recognized he would just get more stirred up. By understanding that his disturbance was not caused by me, but was actually being created within himself, he saw not to...

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Embracing the Unknown

Angus lets go and allows himself to stretch into the unknown in "Owl Pose." Even though he is complaining about being manhandled and he sounds like he is reenacting that famous scene from the exorcist, I love that he is feeling inspired to embrace the unknown not just physically, but in life in general. I can certainly relate to creating more work for myself by worrying or trying to figure things out rather than simply being with what is and allowing life to reveal itself to me. Seeing that extra effort is not required leaves room for freshness and ease...

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Happy 2019!

Angus and I tried out Bikram Yoga. Angus felt worse than I did afterward, but I was actually the one that suffered most later in the day. Putting it down to a cleansing crisis. We intend to tap into our resilience and keep going! Sending everyone love and wishing you a very Happy New Year! ?   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate...

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An Affair and Extramarital Attractions

Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others. My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else. I didn't realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found....

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