Did I Choose the Wrong Partner?
This question comes up frequently when we work with couples who are struggling in their relationship and is a question we have both asked ourselves in the past. We really thought that we might have irreconcilable differences.
What we didn’t know is that we were seeing each other through the lens of our low moods. Our discontent was a reflection of our thoughts, not each other or our relationship. We were experiencing our own consciousness and not the other person.
Now if it starts to look like life would be better if I wasn’t married to Angus, I know I’m buying into the illusion that my happiness comes from outside of me and that he is the source of my suffering. Whenever I look outside of myself and think that changing things out there will fix how I feel inside, I have forgotten that experience doesn’t work that way.
Peace of mind, love, well-being are at home inside of me. As are all of the reasons why I married Angus in the first place. I am just taking my dissatisfied thinking seriously and blaming him for it. It is natural to not engage with my dissatisfied thoughts when I see this. And makes so much more sense to notice what I like about Angus and what works in our relationship.
I am not saying anyone should stay in a relationship they don’t want to. If that is the case, it is not a question, “Did I Chose the Wrong Partner?” It is a knowing instead.
Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. Rohini is the author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) and founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality and the Teachings of Sydney Banks being offered in Santa Monica, California starting October 2018. You can also subscribe to her weekly blog that includes this weekly Vlog on her website, rohiniross.com.