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The Game of Taking Things Personally

It is so much easier to not take things personally with someone you aren't close to. The lack of a close relationship helps you to keep your perspective and not make it about you. However, with people that you are close with, it can be hard to see the big picture and not feel hurt by their behavior even over insignificant things like dishes left in the sink. Angus uses a video game metaphor to point to what helps to have more inner stability. When you realize you are the gamer and not the game, it is easier to be...

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My Partner is Driving Me Crazy

My partner is driving me more crazy than usual. This topic has been coming up in Rohini’s coaching conversations. It is something we can both relate to. What we recognize for ourselves is that this is not a reflection of the other person’s behavior, but a reflection of our state of mind. Angus uses the example of my picking my cuticles to illustrate this point. When he is in a low mood it drives him crazy. When he is in a good mood it doesn’t bother him. We share this as a reminder and an invitation to you to look...

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Untamed: A Podcast About Relationships

Enjoy a sneak preview of our upcoming podcast where Angus and I spend an entire season sharing our journey guiding an anonymous, real couple toward their true natures so they can decide what to do regarding their marriage that is on the brink of divorce.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples...

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Anger and Taking Things Personally

Angus has a hard start to the day so he wanted a bit of a do-over when answering a question about taking things personally. Rohini can't keep a straight face when he talks about climbing El Capitan without "cling-ons." We hope the take away is that when we take things personally and our feelings get hurt, remember that is a reflection of your state of mind in the moment. Even if you have done something wrong, the feedback doesn't have to be taken personally. It can be received with an open mind and an open heart so that there can...

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Avoiding Conflict In Relationships

Rohini and Angus had one subject that they avoided discussing to avoid conflict in their relationship and maintain the status quo. That subject was racism. However, recently, they have been able to address this subject with each other and move through difficult feelings together. This deeper level of empathy, understanding, and compassion was definitely worth the emotional discomfort of upsetting the status quo.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are...

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Authentic Compassion vs. Spiritual Arrogance

I’ve been dealing with more critical feedback than usual based on recent opinions I’ve shared in my blogs. It has definitely been a learning curve for me to not take the feedback personally and to see the psychological innocence in the people who shared. However, my biggest teacher in this area has been my daughter. She really helped me to see how I was not holding a loving and compassionate space for her when she was upset. In my attempts to be mature and not lose my cool, I would separate myself from her anger. However, my steps of self-care...

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The Myth That We Need To Work On Relationships

The myth that we need to work on relationships is based on the misunderstanding that relationships and the people we love require work in addition to everything else we do in life.   The good news is that relationships work beautifully and naturally all by themselves. We are designed to be in relationship with one another whether that be romantically, in friendship, in community, or professionally. We are relational beings.   When we find ourselves upset in a relationship the problem is not the relationship. The problem isn’t even with the other person. The problem is with our own misuse of our personal mind....

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What Kind of Love is Enough For Relationships?

People say that love is not enough to keep a relationship working. However, the love I am referring to here is not personal, romantic love. I am referring to the unconditional love that is the essence of who we are. This love is transformative and available no matter what the state of a relationship. And when we experiencing it, it is the best state of mind from which to make relationship decisions. Unconditional love is available, and it does not mean unconditional relationship, but it allows for truly self-honoring choices to be made that reflect authentic empowerment and inner wisdom.   Love...

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Relationship Crisis or Wake Up Call?

Life has its way of giving us feedback and letting us know when we are going in a painful direction. The feedback shows up in many forms. One of the forms is a relationship crisis. Unfortunately, however, often when this occurs rather than this being seen as an awakening process, it is perceived as a relationship issue. The solution then looks like it is about fixing or improving the relationship or getting a new relationship rather than looking to the inner opportunity for growth. I have certainly fallen into this category.   The crisis is not a commentary on the relationship. It...

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How to Avoid Going Stir-Crazy When You Have To Stay Home!

I was reading recently how some gurus in India expect their disciples to become ascetics and recluses, while others encourage family life and duties. It was indicated that most gurus consider family life more difficult than renunciation, with family life suitable only for a balanced and mature personality.   I was reflecting on this as social distancing and stay at home measures are being implemented to help slow down the rate that people are getting sick from COVID-19. I listened to an episode of the New York Times Daily where a couple was going to be spending significantly more time together because...

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