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How to Avoid Going Stir-Crazy When You Have To Stay Home!

I was reading recently how some gurus in India expect their disciples to become ascetics and recluses, while others encourage family life and duties. It was indicated that most gurus consider family life more difficult than renunciation, with family life suitable only for a balanced and mature personality.   I was reflecting on this as social distancing and stay at home measures are being implemented to help slow down the rate that people are getting sick from COVID-19. I listened to an episode of the New York Times Daily where a couple was going to be spending significantly more time together because...

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We Came Back From Being A Lost Cause Relationship

It can be very hard for couples to see that the other person is not responsible for their upset. I’m upset because she doesn’t want to have sex. I’m upset because he yelled at me. These look true. It looks like the lack of sex causes upset. It looks like the yelling is what causes the hurt.   It looks like the solution is for the other person to change. I wouldn't be upset if he or she were different.   That is often how couples come to Angus and me, thinking that with our help we will get their partner to change so they...

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The Natural Gifts We Bring to Relationships

[embed]https://www.facebook.com/rohini.ross/videos/10222460446205959/[/embed]   I’ve always loved Angus’s natural drive to make situations fun and lighthearted. He always seemed so much better at it than me. I didn’t realize it was his coping mechanism for having a low tolerance for boredom. Nonetheless, I enjoy this about him tremendously and feel my life has been significantly enriched by it. It has brought out my lightheartedness more. How about you share with someone you love what you appreciate about what they naturally bring to your relationship? They may not even realize it. Let us know how it goes in the comments below.   Angus & Rohini Ross are...

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Letting Go Of Blame

In relationships, it can be really hard to let go of blame. I can look true that someone else is responsible for our experience. It is assumed that certain actions automatically cause certain feelings.   Another reason it seems hard to let go of blame is the idea that if we let go of blame we are condoning the behavior.   But they don't go together!   I can see Hitler’s psychological innocence and not condone the holocaust.   Viktor Frankel can feel goodwill and compassion for his oppressor. It doesn't mean he agreed with the Nazi's.   A brother of a murder victim can forgive the perpetrator while not...

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The Misunderstanding Behind Conflict

If you want to have less of something in your life, it is helpful to understand the cause of it. If you are experiencing more conflict than you would like in your relationships, rather than looking at the content of what the conflict is about, look to what is the source of the upset is.   There are probably different things that you get reactive and angry about. The possible list is infinite. So in order to experience less reactivity, rather than looking in the direction of what you are upset about or what you are blaming for your upset, instead let’s...

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Let Your True Nature Handle Your Relationship Problems

Relationship problems can feel all-consuming. When we experience emotional suffering it is hard not to focus on the issue and try to find a way out of it. Unfortunately, what this does is magnify the problem in our mind and this only takes us further away from resolution.   It may feel counter-intuitive, but the best way to support yourself when you are experiencing relationship issues, or any other issue for that matter, is to look away from the problem. This is not said with the intent of sweeping the issue under the rug. It is said with the clearest intention of...

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Don’t Despair Over The Post-Honeymoon Fall From Grace

It is actually a blessing when the fall from grace happens.   Most people are upset and troubled when they experience difficulties in their intimate relationships. There are a few, however, that see the difficulties as a gift.   Firstly, to have the gift of an intimate relationship in which the pressure comes off to be perfect is a huge blessing. We can often keep it together at work or in social situations through the willpower of self-management driven by fear, and some people even maintain this facade in intimate relationships, but it is a real blessing to be in a relationship that is...

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A Healthy Relationship Starts With You!

Who has a healthy relationship all the time?   All relationships are the reflection of the two people in the relationship. They will as such reflect the health of the individuals moment to moment. This means that the health of a relationship can dramatically change based on how the two people are showing up in it.   What I have noticed is that people can become very judgmental of themselves and blame themselves as not being capable of being in a healthy relationship. They feel that their human frailties cause problems and prevent the experience of a healthy relationship.   Blame becomes the source of discouragement,...

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The Key to a Better Relationship

If you want a better relationship forget, about your partner and forget about working on your relationship. It is all about you!   This is not selfish in the typical definition of selfish being lacking consideration for others and concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure. It is Selfish in the sense of putting your true nature first and letting the rest take care of itself.   What does it mean to put your true nature first?   Only you can decide that for you. What it means for me is to have a sincere intention to wake up to who I am beyond...

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