What Kind of Love is Enough For Relationships?

People say that love is not enough to keep a relationship working. However, the love I am referring to here is not personal, romantic love. I am referring to the unconditional love that is the essence of who we are. This love is transformative and available no matter what the state of a relationship. And when we experiencing it, it is the best state of mind from which to make relationship decisions. Unconditional love is available, and it does not mean unconditional relationship, but it allows for truly self-honoring choices to be made that reflect authentic empowerment and inner wisdom.   Love...

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Understanding Separate Realities Helps Relationships

Even though Angus isn't "quirk" ready I share a quirk of his I have noticed since being in isolation that I didn't notice before. We also share a funny experience that involves Angus and a Whole Foods security guard as a way to illustrate how we live in our own subjective reality and how real that can look at times. Seeing this is so helpful to relationships. It helps us to take our experience more lightly as well as our partners. We see that it isn't about blame and who is right and who is wrong. We are all doing...

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All Fear is Fear of the Unknown

Angus shares that worry is what we do when we get scared of the unknown, and we try to control our experience through worrying. Rohini points to how we use worry to get out of uncomfortable feelings thinking that we can think our way out of them. Of course, that never works and we end up feeling worse. What is important to remember is that we don't need to run from our experience or try to change it -- not even worry. We can simply be with it. It is only a small part of who we are. It does not define us. And,...

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Couples on Lockdown

Angus and I have had a lot of practice being together. We have both been self-employed and worked from home at different times in our relationship. We had to navigate this, even more, when we started working together. But when we first moved in together it wasn't easy, especially for Angus. At times I looked like I was responsible for making him unhappy and vice versa. We thought we would share this now in case you might be struggling with spending more time with your partner. We hope that you can see that any upset or reactivity is a reflection of...

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How to Avoid Going Stir-Crazy When You Have To Stay Home!

I was reading recently how some gurus in India expect their disciples to become ascetics and recluses, while others encourage family life and duties. It was indicated that most gurus consider family life more difficult than renunciation, with family life suitable only for a balanced and mature personality.   I was reflecting on this as social distancing and stay at home measures are being implemented to help slow down the rate that people are getting sick from COVID-19. I listened to an episode of the New York Times Daily where a couple was going to be spending significantly more time together because...

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We Came Back From Being A Lost Cause Relationship

It can be very hard for couples to see that the other person is not responsible for their upset. I’m upset because she doesn’t want to have sex. I’m upset because he yelled at me. These look true. It looks like the lack of sex causes upset. It looks like the yelling is what causes the hurt.   It looks like the solution is for the other person to change. I wouldn't be upset if he or she were different.   That is often how couples come to Angus and me, thinking that with our help we will get their partner to change so they...

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The Natural Gifts We Bring to Relationships

[embed]https://www.facebook.com/rohini.ross/videos/10222460446205959/[/embed]   I’ve always loved Angus’s natural drive to make situations fun and lighthearted. He always seemed so much better at it than me. I didn’t realize it was his coping mechanism for having a low tolerance for boredom. Nonetheless, I enjoy this about him tremendously and feel my life has been significantly enriched by it. It has brought out my lightheartedness more. How about you share with someone you love what you appreciate about what they naturally bring to your relationship? They may not even realize it. Let us know how it goes in the comments below.   Angus & Rohini Ross are...

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Letting Go Of Blame

In relationships, it can be really hard to let go of blame. I can look true that someone else is responsible for our experience. It is assumed that certain actions automatically cause certain feelings.   Another reason it seems hard to let go of blame is the idea that if we let go of blame we are condoning the behavior.   But they don't go together!   I can see Hitler’s psychological innocence and not condone the holocaust.   Viktor Frankel can feel goodwill and compassion for his oppressor. It doesn't mean he agreed with the Nazi's.   A brother of a murder victim can forgive the perpetrator while not...

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The Misunderstanding Behind Conflict

If you want to have less of something in your life, it is helpful to understand the cause of it. If you are experiencing more conflict than you would like in your relationships, rather than looking at the content of what the conflict is about, look to what is the source of the upset is.   There are probably different things that you get reactive and angry about. The possible list is infinite. So in order to experience less reactivity, rather than looking in the direction of what you are upset about or what you are blaming for your upset, instead let’s...

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Let Your True Nature Handle Your Relationship Problems

Relationship problems can feel all-consuming. When we experience emotional suffering it is hard not to focus on the issue and try to find a way out of it. Unfortunately, what this does is magnify the problem in our mind and this only takes us further away from resolution.   It may feel counter-intuitive, but the best way to support yourself when you are experiencing relationship issues, or any other issue for that matter, is to look away from the problem. This is not said with the intent of sweeping the issue under the rug. It is said with the clearest intention of...

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