Love | Rohini Ross - Part 10

Angus and the Illusion of Listening

Listening is something that is so natural and simple, yet many people, Angus and I included, don’t do it all the time. We think we are listening or we give the impression that we are listening, but we are not fully present. Our mind is elsewhere. When this happens we miss out on connection and intimacy with another, but ultimately what we miss is the connection with ourselves. We feel our personal thoughts more than the oneness of who we all are.   Angus and I are not sharing this as a technique. There is no technique for listening. You are either...

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Differences Are Only a Problem in a Low Mood

I don’t really sleep under a tarpaulin. For some reason Angus has taken exception to my weighted blanket. And he can get annoyed with my temperature needs that are different than his own, even though I am used to wearing extra layers, especially in the car. ?❄❄❄   But the point we are making is that from a good mood these differences are not issues or problems. They can be amusing, but they are not challenging. However, from a low mood they, and other differences between us, can look like real problems. ??   We have both gotten better at recognizing when we are...

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Rohini is Just So Forward

In this week’s Vlog, you get to see how Rohini's ability to take on the journey of life and course correct like a nimble sloop has shown a lot more virtue than Angus’ steady as you go freight ship! Rohini’s will to get out on the open sea as quickly as possible proves to be a lot more fruitful than Angus’ need to stay in the harbor worrying about the Leviathan.   Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and...

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Help, I Am Hurting! Where is My Peace of Mind?

When I found myself writing similar messages to clients who were experiencing distress and who reached out for support, I thought it might be helpful to share my thoughts with a wider audience. Let me know in the comments if what I am sharing is helpful or if you have questions.   When you are upset it looks like another person or a circumstance is the cause of your distress. Your emotions make this feel very real. It does not occur to you that your experience is created inside of you. It is hard to have perspective and see that your thinking...

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Bossiness is in the Eye of the Beholder

This is not an example of Angus at his best with listening. He normally does a better job of disguising his inattentiveness, but it is a good example of how we each live in our own separate reality. I can think I am being helpful and Angus can think I am bossy. What is even more amazing is I can be doing the same thing and from one state of mind, Angus can see me as helpful and from another state of mind he can see me as bossy. I can also be completely blind to my bossiness and see...

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He Said, She Said: Separate Realities and Germs

Angus and I live in separate realities when it comes to dirt and germs. He has a lot more thinking about them than I do. His coping mechanism for dealing with all that thought is hand sanitizer and hand washing. We aren’t going to see things the same way any time soon, but we have found a lighthearted way to be with each other about it. We can accept that reality looks different for us in this area and then find ways to navigate the differences that work for both of us.   I have to let go of my judgment that...

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He Said, She Said: Eliminating Relationship Baggage

Angus recalls the time I barricaded him out of our apartment, and then my therapist told me I had abandonment issues. Angus thought he brought his own baggage to our relationship as well. We both accepted these limitations as part of who we were and resigned ourselves to a challenging relationship because of them.   We are both so grateful to the understanding of the principles that helps us see that we don't have issues. All we have is thought in the moment that temporarily gets in the way of us experiencing peace of mind and our true loving nature. It was...

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He Said, She Said: Sex and Connection

Is it Shrek? Is it a giant and a pygmy in a shed, or is it Angus and Rohini in their sauna talking about what used to get in the way of sex? Or how even now they may have to navigate different levels of desire. As Angus says, it is all about connection. There is more than one way to get there, but that is what we both want.   And, I do know that Angus did not cause my resentment. I was just taking his behavior personally rather than being able to understand and have compassion for his suffering. If...

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He Said, She Said: More Peace, Less Reactivity

Angus shares how he is experiencing greater freedom from his reactive thoughts. He can have them without feeling compelled to act on them. I can certainly take a leaf out of his book. We are enjoying the peace and looking forward to a relaxing weekend of recharging!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection...

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He Said, She Said: Getting a Thicker Skin is Good for Relationships

Angus re-enacts a prank he played on me that he thought would be funny but that actually terrified me. I may not be ready for more pranks, but I have got a lot better about not taking things personally. This has made our relationship so much easier. I love the greater levels of light-heartedness we both experience simply from seeing the fluid nature of thought and experience and recognizing our natural tendency as human beings is to drop into feelings of love and wellbeing -- so reassuring!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to...

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