Relationship Challenges Aren’t Solved With Communication Skills

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman identifies criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that predict the demise of a relationship. These styles of communication are all indicators that goodwill in the relationship is dismally low. Traditional relationship advice is to learn behavioral and communication skills to keep these Four Horsemen at bay. What this advice misses, however, is that couples don't have communication problems. They have challenges as the result of diminished goodwill. When there is a good feeling between two people, communication is never the problem, even when...

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A Deal Breaker Today Could Rule Out the Love of Your Life Tomorrow

Angus and I have been working with several couples recently where the subject of deal breakers has come up. They thought it would be a good idea to clarify deal breakers in service to deciding whether or not to move forward with their relationships. When I look back on my relationship with Angus, I realize there were many things that I would have considered to be deal breakers early on in our relationship if I had thought this way, but they turned out not to be.   One that comes to mind is that I was absolutely committed to being a stay-at-home...

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He Said, She Said: Arguments Aren’t the End of the World

We are not perfect! Sometimes we don't listen to our own sensible advice. The good news is we are resilient and able to get over ourselves. This allows us to rebound from arguments much more quickly than in the past. Ultimately, love prevails even when we do not act our best -- what a relief!   Angus and Rohini love to work with couples and help them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couple's retreats that support the deepening of connection and understanding. We work with couples who are struggling and couples...

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He Said, She Said: Forgetfulness isn’t Personal

Angus is not forgetful. He is just living in the present moment. Rohini has an opportunity to not take Angus' ultra zen present moment way of being personally. And zen and forgetfulness aside, love is always our Super Power. Thank you Theresa and Bradford of SuperLove Tees for our t-shirts -- we love them!   Also, click here for the link to the upcoming workshop "Relationship Essentials" that Angus and I are facilitating with Mark and Carrie Sisson. Come and explore what supports lasting love and deepening intimacy in relationships.   Angus and Rohini love to work with couples and help them reduce conflict and...

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He Said, She Said: Denying Restorative Cuddles Is Bad For Rapport

Angus shares how invisible thinking can be at times related to low moods, and how easy it is for conflict to ensue. Rohini speaks to the humanness of our moods even when we know we create our experience from our own thoughts, and acknowledges that it can be hard to see thought as the culprit of upset in real time.   Also, click here for the link to the upcoming workshop "Relationship Essentials" Angus and I are facilitating with Carrie and Mark Sisson.   Angus and Rohini love to work with couples and help them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love...

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Sex and Marriage: Go Together Like a Horse and Carriage?

Recently my husband Angus and I did our Friday Vlog about sex. He was reticent to talk about our experience in this area, but I managed to convince him to do it since this is a subject that is challenging for many couples, especially couples in long-term relationships no matter what their sexual orientation. Sex often comes up as an issue for our clients even if it has nothing to do with the coaching they signed up for.   For us, it is an area of great learning. I can see now how the quality and richness of our sex life is a litmus...

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He Said, She Said: Let’s Talk About Sex

Much to Angus' chagrin sex is the topic of this week's Vlog. We discuss how we were both able to overcome the polarization we experienced in this area of our relationship.   Angus and Rohini love to work with couples and help them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couple's retreats that support the deepening of connection and understanding. We work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. ...

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