We are all on the learning curve of being spiritual beings having a human experience, and we all have various learning curves we are navigating within that. Learning curves can be fun and exciting, especially when we are able to see that no matter where we are in the process, we are doing the best that we can and that is good enough. When we see this, we have an open mind. We are able to learn without attachment. This makes it easy to engage in learning, and the real-time feedback of our wisdom in the moment is more obvious to us when we are not judging our process.
What makes learning curves less enjoyable is judging where we are as not good enough and putting pressure on ourselves to be further along than we are. This is common sense and easy to see most of the time, except for the parts of our life where we get caught up in our insecure thinking. We all have areas in our life where it is easy for us to have a clear mind. For example, when my children we young, it was easy for me to not take their bad behavior or tantrums personally. I would have compassion for them and be able to see they were suffering and doing their best. This natural clarity did not, however, extend to my husband, Angus. In the past, I would take his frustration and anger personally. I was not able to be compassionate and see that he was doing the best he could. I would judge his best as not good enough and then try to make him change through my criticism.
Of course, this did not work out well for us and resulted in growing resentment on both sides. I did not realize I was possible to be on a learning curve of not taking Angus’s anger personally. Instead, I thought he needed to be on a learning curve of becoming less reactive. It wasn’t until I had fresh thinking around this that I was able to see that I didn’t need him to change in order for me to be happy. This was freedom!
When I woke up to the pressured thinking I was buying into telling me I needed to be better and feel better, it lost its power over me and naturally fell away. I dropped into a deeper experience of wellbeing within myself. From this state of mind, I was able to see Angus more clearly. I had greater perspective. I saw him more the way I saw my children. I did not take his anger personally. From a stable place within myself, I saw he was suffering and felt compassion.
When this happened, I realized I wanted to be on this learning curve. I wanted to experience this level of peace of mind more of the time independent of Angus’s mood or behavior. I felt hopeful because I realized I could get better at not taking his behavior personally. I saw I was not a victim. I finally recognized in this area of my life, that my experience was being created from the inside out — that I was feeling my thinking, not Angus’s behavior. This had been invisible to me before. Seeing that it was possible to not suffer got my attention, and I saw the benefit of having an open mind rather than sticking to my righteous position.
We are all designed to have fresh thinking. We can’t stop the infinite potential for new thought that resides within each one of us, but I was not paying attention to that. I was ignoring my capacity to have new, fresh thought, and instead using my gift of thought to focus on what was wrong with him. I believed my life would be better if he was less reactive and focused on all the ways this looked true to me. As a consequence of looking in this direction, I would find all kinds of evidence to prove myself right and make my beliefs look real. I breathed life into my judgmental thoughts and could only see a distorted version of Angus.
This shifted when I saw that my happiness could not be impacted by him or anything else outside of my thoughts. I saw that my wellbeing is a wellspring inside of me with infinite depth and has not barriers to it. It is always there, I just don’t always feel it because I get gripped by my insecure thoughts. There is no real barrier to my experience of wellbeing. There is only me getting caught up in the illusion of my insecure thinking and creating an experience of suffering. Waking up to this was so freeing, and I continue to see more. It is helpful to know I can be on a learning curve of waking up from the fog of my fear based thoughts that focus on self-protection, trying to get somewhere, and on improving myself to find happiness. Instead, I see with more clarity there is nowhere to go. Peace and wellbeing exist now. They are real and anything that is not that is transitory and a mirage.
Whatever your learning curve is, do you see that you are doing your best and that is good enough? Are you able to look in the direction of the certainty of new thought being available to you in service to your growth? Can you relax into the natural moment that exists and ride the energy of your inspiration?
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their true nature. She is a psychotherapist, a transformative coach, and author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1). She has an international coaching practice helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of wellbeing, resiliency, and success. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, watch her Vlogs with her husband, Angus Ross, and subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com. She has an upcoming program The Solopreneur Leap co-facilitated with Barb Patterson starting January 15th, 2018.