relationship advice | Rohini Ross

Repressed Emotions vs. Repressing Emotions & Healing

There is a difference between the idea of repressed emotions and the action of consciously or unconsciously repressing emotions. It is unclear what repressed emotions are and where they are found, if anywhere in the body. But we all have probably experienced behavioral habits we use to try and resist our emotions when uncomfortable feelings arise. I have used various techniques to try and feel better, some that I thought were good for me, and some that I knew were bad, but they all made sense when I felt unsafe with my feelings.   This resistance to overwhelming emotional experiences is a...

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The Gift of Taking Things Personally

It feels good when we don’t take things personally in relationships. We enjoy the feelings of inner freedom and goodwill when we feel compassion for our struggling partners when their behavior misses the mark. We enjoy the feelings of internal stability when we are undisturbed by our partners' emotional dysregulation and feel internally stable. This feels good, and it feels bad when we take things personally. We can misinterpret the bad feelings to mean something is wrong with us, or we are doing things wrong. We can judge ourselves as not good enough when we take our partner’s behavior personally,...

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A Very Happy Made-Up New Year to You!

I've noticed a lovely trend in the emails coming into my inbox at this time of year reminding me to take it easy.   The feedback is to go at your own pace. Listen to your inner feedback regarding your boundaries. Slow down. Rest! Remember that time is a construct. Don't let something made up cause you to feel a sense of urgency and make yourself rush. There is no objective time, so you can't be behind. Yes, you can miss deadlines, appointments, and flights, but no matter what, you are always doing the best that you can, and you are more...

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‘Tis the Season of Peace, Goodwill, and Holiday Stress

Angus and our youngest daughter got our Christmas tree last week. I purchased all of the girls stocking stuffers way ahead of time. Even though our daughters are young adults, we all love the Christmas morning ritual of them opening the gifts in their pillowcases. Angus's family used pillowcases rather than stockings. This seemed very practical, so we kept that tradition.   And even though this is the season of peace and goodwill, all of the festivities can come with the experience of extra pressure and holiday stress that can take a toll on health and relationships.   I have experienced internal pressure to...

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The Easy Recipe for Addressing Relationship Challenges

Spiritual teachings suggest that we are all beautiful, unique expressions of one source of life force. Each of us is an emanation of that divine light. That essence cannot be understood but is felt and recognized by qualities such as love, joy, peace, and well-being. This essence is not unique to us, but we all have a unique experience of that essence.   We each live in our separate reality. Each of us living in unique experiences can be challenging for intimate relationships, but recognizing that we are expressions of the same being makes compassion easier to find.   Botanist and citizen of the...

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Is Remembering Mortality Helpful in Relationships?

In a recent Rewilders' Community webinar, we were asked to speak on death. We had a poignant conversation with many sharing their experiences related to death, grief, near-death experiences, and the lessons learned. It made me think of the Latin phrase Memento Mori, which means to "remember that you must die." This phrase is not meant to be depressing but intended to illuminate and inspire one to live life fully in this moment. Memento Mori might seem like a depressing theme to use as inspiration for a relationship post, but I find it refreshing and practical.   Recently when Angus and I returned...

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Code Red in Relationships

Empathy is being able to understand what someone else is feeling or being able to see a situation from another person's point of view. The capacity to have empathy for another is essential for the success of intimate relationships. This is an obvious statement, but it is easier said than done.   When moods drop, and mental and emotional bandwidths shrink, empathy is hard to come by.   Humans tend to make assumptions and not realize they are doing so. We live in separate realities created through the filter of our thought systems and don't realize how far apart the way we see things...

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Navigating Irreconcilable Differences. Why Bother Trying?

Angus and I have been hearing from people who are implementing the guidance we share in our Rewilding Love podcast and experiencing shifts in their relationships. One of the reviews said the approach is working like magic. We have also heard how the issues we discuss such as trying to change your partner or navigating anger feel like we are speaking directly to the listener. This shows how universal relationship challenges are. But one of the pieces of feedback that stood out to me was about how dire the relationship in the podcast sounds. And the question was, "Wouldn’t it...

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Ten Relationship Basics

I’ve written about how I used to be super-sensitive in my relationship with Angus and how that created a negative downward spiral between us, with each of us adding more negativity to our communication with each other and slashing the feeling of goodwill between us in the process. . I would blame him for how I felt. I thought if only he were kinder and less irritable then I would be happier. I would voice my criticism. He would take my criticism personally and become less kind and more irritable in the process. . We managed to create a negative amount of goodwill in...

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Self-Judgment and Hot Button Topics

Hot button topics usually result in conflict when they are discussed. Anger is often used to deflect away from the subject. Finances used to be a hot button topic for us. Angus shares how his self-judgment and ensuing shame made it very difficult to discuss in a reasonable way. And Rohini would usually take Angus's anger personally. The antidote was for us to be vulnerable with each other and so we really understand each other's experiences. And when we weren't able to do that to see each other's psychological innocence, knowing we were each doing the best we could.   Angus &...

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