Self-Judgment and Hot Button Topics

Hot button topics usually result in conflict when they are discussed. Anger is often used to deflect away from the subject. Finances used to be a hot button topic for us. Angus shares how his self-judgment and ensuing shame made it very difficult to discuss in a reasonable way. And Rohini would usually take Angus's anger personally. The antidote was for us to be vulnerable with each other and so we really understand each other's experiences. And when we weren't able to do that to see each other's psychological innocence, knowing we were each doing the best we could.   Angus &...

Read More

Emotional Intimacy

The ability to experience emotional intimacy in a relationship is a reflection of one's capacity to be open one's own emotional experience. Angus points out that often when we are seeking greater emotional intimacy with someone else it is a misguided attempt to fill the painful void of feeling separate from one's spiritual nature. Relationships are not designed to fill that void and they suffer when unrealistic expectations are placed on them to do so.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them...

Read More

Avoiding Resentment

Resentment nearly destroyed our marriage. Lessons learned are to have the willingness and courage to maintain open and honest communication and to not make assumptions about where that communication will take you. In your vulnerability, you open up to the power of your impersonal nature so your wisdom can guide you beyond the fears of the intellect. This is the realm of possibility and hopefulness. Learning, growth, and change are always possible.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate...

Read More

Love is Your Compass

Love is Your Compass   Let your personal self soften so it gives way to the impersonal. Let the tears flow, but don’t let them go unseen. Let yourself receive the love that you yearn for. Ask for it. Claim it. Reveal your neediness and deep yearning for love. It is primal. Eschew the seeking of security in the known, in favor of the risk of annihilation in the unknown. What gets lost is not needed. What is left is true. Truth can only be felt when the hard exoskeleton of misunderstanding melts into the oneness of all things. This is what you long for. It is also what you fight against. The time for wrestling for...

Read More

Saying Yes For An Easy Life

Angus used to take what looked like the easy route by saying yes to Rohini in order to avoid a potential emotional reaction on her part, but it usually still ended in grief and suffering down the road because he wouldn't follow through and Rohini would feel disappointed and dismayed by his disregard for keeping agreements. Have a deeper connection with their wellbeing coming from within helped them both.   When Angus became more connected with his inner wellbeing, he was less concerned about Rohini's emotional reactions, and with Rohini being more connected with her wellbeing she was less emotionally reactive. She...

Read More

The Ego Doesn’t Know When to Stop

Angus points to how easy it is to get sucked in the ego’s desire for more. From the personal view, there is never enough. The ego keeps looking for the pot of gold thinking just one more thing and then I will feel better. It is easy to get caught up in this pattern. Rohini had a sore back and wasn’t feeling well earlier in the week. She recognized how she got enamored with her intellect and forgot to listen to her deeper wisdom that was telling her to relax and slow down. In addition to the constellation of thoughts...

Read More

Rewilding Your Relationship: Love is Your Natural State

If you missed the first two parts of this series you can read them by clicking here: Rewilding Your Relationship Even if You Feel, Discouraged, Disheartened or Desperate Part 1 Make Room For Humanness Part 2   Part 3 Love is Your Natural State   We tend to be attracted to people who will push our buttons. It feels like the innate intelligence behind life knows exactly who we need to be with in order to help us wake up in consciousness. Often at the beginning of a romantic relationship, there is a period of time when all we see is the good in our partner....

Read More

Rewilding Your Relationship: Make Room for Humanness

To read Part 1 click here.   Part 2   Make Room for Humanness   No one is perfect. We all have our frailties. A rewilded relationship has room for the whole person. It does not require efforts to tame ourselves or our partner. We have become a self-help addicted society constantly focusing on self-improvement thinking that will get us to the holy grail of happiness. But focusing on trying to improve what is not working and what isn’t good enough has us miss the beauty and goodness of what is present.    As with part 1, start with yourself here too.   Can you see that any efforts...

Read More

Navigating Defensiveness In Relationships

Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person's behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini...

Read More

Rewilding Your Relationship — Even if You are Feeling Discouraged, Disheartened, or Desperate

Part 1   Start with yourself!   Angus and I work with many couples who are in committed relationships that have lost their spark. It is often described as living like roommates or having a business relationship. Sometimes these couples have very little conflict in their relationship, but they feel like they are coexisting. Other times there is high conflict at times that leads to polarization and periods of distance. Believe it or not, conflict is an attempt to connect and experience intimacy. These couples actually feel more hope than the couples that no longer have conflict in their relationship. They are still willing...

Read More