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Anger is an Attempt to Get Back to Love

One of the biggest challenges for relationships is anger. Most of the focus on how to solve this problem is to reduce reactivity. This is a worthy goal but offers no solutions for when reactivity happens. This often leaves people judging themselves when they are reactive and missing that it is a misguided attempt to get back to love.   I had a recent blow out with my daughter where I behaved badly and sad hurtful things. We revisited the situation recently, and I acknowledged I was out of line. I was struck by how magnanimous she was. She said we can...

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The Myth That We Need To Work On Relationships

The myth that we need to work on relationships is based on the misunderstanding that relationships and the people we love require work in addition to everything else we do in life.   The good news is that relationships work beautifully and naturally all by themselves. We are designed to be in relationship with one another whether that be romantically, in friendship, in community, or professionally. We are relational beings.   When we find ourselves upset in a relationship the problem is not the relationship. The problem isn’t even with the other person. The problem is with our own misuse of our personal mind....

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The Rewilding Experience!

Join us for the FREE Rewilding Experience. A 29-day Journey of Rewilding An Area Of Your Life. Allow yourself to return to more balance and harmony. The program begins April 27 - May 25, 2020. This is our gift to you during this time. Click on the link to learn more: https://www.rewildingyourrelationship.com   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and...

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What Kind of Love is Enough For Relationships?

People say that love is not enough to keep a relationship working. However, the love I am referring to here is not personal, romantic love. I am referring to the unconditional love that is the essence of who we are. This love is transformative and available no matter what the state of a relationship. And when we experiencing it, it is the best state of mind from which to make relationship decisions. Unconditional love is available, and it does not mean unconditional relationship, but it allows for truly self-honoring choices to be made that reflect authentic empowerment and inner wisdom.   Love...

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Understanding Separate Realities Helps Relationships

Even though Angus isn't "quirk" ready I share a quirk of his I have noticed since being in isolation that I didn't notice before. We also share a funny experience that involves Angus and a Whole Foods security guard as a way to illustrate how we live in our own subjective reality and how real that can look at times. Seeing this is so helpful to relationships. It helps us to take our experience more lightly as well as our partners. We see that it isn't about blame and who is right and who is wrong. We are all doing...

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All Fear is Fear of the Unknown

Angus shares that worry is what we do when we get scared of the unknown, and we try to control our experience through worrying. Rohini points to how we use worry to get out of uncomfortable feelings thinking that we can think our way out of them. Of course, that never works and we end up feeling worse. What is important to remember is that we don't need to run from our experience or try to change it -- not even worry. We can simply be with it. It is only a small part of who we are. It does not define us. And,...

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Couples on Lockdown

Angus and I have had a lot of practice being together. We have both been self-employed and worked from home at different times in our relationship. We had to navigate this, even more, when we started working together. But when we first moved in together it wasn't easy, especially for Angus. At times I looked like I was responsible for making him unhappy and vice versa. We thought we would share this now in case you might be struggling with spending more time with your partner. We hope that you can see that any upset or reactivity is a reflection of...

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Relationship Crisis or Wake Up Call?

Life has its way of giving us feedback and letting us know when we are going in a painful direction. The feedback shows up in many forms. One of the forms is a relationship crisis. Unfortunately, however, often when this occurs rather than this being seen as an awakening process, it is perceived as a relationship issue. The solution then looks like it is about fixing or improving the relationship or getting a new relationship rather than looking to the inner opportunity for growth. I have certainly fallen into this category.   The crisis is not a commentary on the relationship. It...

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Rohini’s Downward Spiral

Low moods can come over us without warning. That is what happened to me yesterday. For no rhyme or reason, my world looked black. So black I didn't even want to live. I am sharing this to help take away any stigma from depression. I know I am not alone. At the time I felt embarrassed and ashamed of how I was feeling. So much so I didn't want to tell Angus. I eventually did and succeeded in freaking him out, but fortunately, he rebounded quickly.   What I see now is that I was doing my best. It wasn't my fault...

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How to Avoid Going Stir-Crazy When You Have To Stay Home!

I was reading recently how some gurus in India expect their disciples to become ascetics and recluses, while others encourage family life and duties. It was indicated that most gurus consider family life more difficult than renunciation, with family life suitable only for a balanced and mature personality.   I was reflecting on this as social distancing and stay at home measures are being implemented to help slow down the rate that people are getting sick from COVID-19. I listened to an episode of the New York Times Daily where a couple was going to be spending significantly more time together because...

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