An Affair and Extramarital Attractions
Angus was not too pleased about me airing our dirty laundry in my blog this week. An affair and extramarital attractions are definitely a tricky topic. But I wanted to share what I have learned in case it helps others.
My feelings and resulting behaviors were symptoms of my internal distress and not our relationship. At the time, it genuinely looked to me like Angus was the source of my suffering and so it made sense for me to think I would be happier with someone else.
I didn’t realize I was looking for the solution where it could never be found. It took me a long time to stop holding Angus and his behavior responsible for my happiness. And this led to decreasing goodwill and rapport in our relationship.
I am so grateful to see more clearly now that my well-being and happiness are innate. They do not come from outside of me, nor are they taken away from me by Angus’ behavior.
The ONLY thing that causes me suffering is when I buy into painful thoughts. I didn’t see this clearly all the time, but I see it clearly enough now that I am free from my roving eye. This is a huge blessing.
I had no idea the peace I would feel in letting that go and being 100% committed to our relationship. It wasn’t that I didn’t want to be “all in.” I just didn’t know how to be. It wasn’t until I really saw that my happiness was independent of Angus and not anything that he could take away from me that I was able to feel safe and secure enough to jump into our marriage with two feet.
And I haven’t looked back. My hope is that being open about this might help others to look in the direction of their true nature for the experience of love and well-being instead of outside of themselves for the relief of suffering.
Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. Rohini is the author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) and founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality and the Teachings of Sydney Banks being offered in Santa Monica, California starting October 2018. You can also subscribe to her weekly blog that includes this weekly Vlog on her website, rohiniross.com.