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Rohini’s Blog

The Sneakiness of Busyness and Self-Importance

I’m back in LA enjoying a cozy rainy day after participating in Barb Patterson’s Business Accelerator program. The experience was a great example of what is possible when one is willing to step into the unknown and see what emerges from a clean slate. To say I was surprised by what came forward is an understatement.   I went in knowing something felt off regarding my work, but I had no idea what. As Angus and I explored our ideas related to helping couples rewild their relationships everything felt fresh and alive. We are committed to moving forward with the book....

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What Color Is Your Relationship?

There are the Five Love Languages outlined in Gary Chapman's book that describes the ways we like to feel loved and appreciated. There could also be the five colors of relationship designated for different relationship states. Blue for distant. Red for conflictual. Yellow for competitive. Black for dead, and white for peaceful. These are of course made up and random. ` What is helpful, however, is not determining the color of your relationship, rather it is understanding that the color of your relationship is a reflection of the color of the two people in it. I am not talking about skin color....

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Don’t Trust Your Low Mood Thinking

Angus has a chance to show off about how well the English soccer teams are doing in the European soccer championships, but he does have a good point that they have demonstrated tremendous resilience in the face of adversity.   This is so helpful in relationships. It is easy to get discouraged about our partner and our relationship when we are in a low mood. When we take low mood thinking seriously we create plans to cope with what we see. I used to get into a low mood, feel discouraged about our relationship, and then start planning how to leave Angus...

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When Stress Goes Up, Relationships Go Down — The Solution Is More Simple Than You Think

Gallup recently released their latest annual update on the world’s emotional state and it shows that Americans' Stress, Worry, and Anger Intensified in 2018. Highlights from the survey indicate that Americans are among the most stressed in the world. Nearly half of Americans are worried a lot, one in five are angry a lot, and younger Americans between the ages of 15 and 49 are among the most stressed, worried and angry.   When people feel stressed one of the main areas that is impacted in their life is their intimate relationships. So many clients come to me puzzled that they act...

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Shopping Ninja

What is the weirdest thing your partner has sent you to the store for? Angus is a shopping ninja unless I slow him down with my unusual requests. My disruption of his shopping flow helps him to see he is more sped up than he realized. We all have our blind spots. The areas where it is invisible to us that we are caught up in thought. The good news is we don't have to work on ourselves or try and fix them. Our true nature doesn't have blind spots. So rather than trying to wake up faster, improve ourselves, or try to...

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For Optimum Performance — Forget About Yourself

I was having a conversation about an upcoming three-day leadership development training and during the conversation, I was reminded that the executives are human just like the rest of us. In another conversation with the owner of a company, he affirmed the importance of everyone being of equal value in the organizational culture no matter what their position.   Both of these conversations reminded me of the value of remembering not only do we all work the same way, but we also come from the same source. There is no hierarchy when it comes to our humanness. The ordinariness of our commonality...

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Do You Try To Be A Bomb Disposal Expert With Your Partner’s Upset?

Angus used to feel like he was trying to defuse a bomb with oven mitts on when I was upset. He didn't realize that his job was not to fix my problems. He thought he couldn't be happy if I wasn't happy. And the more he tried to make me happy the more upset I became. Now Angus and I both know that happiness comes from within. He realizes that no matter how emotional I get, I will eventually stabilize. And I have learned to not trust my low mood thinking. I am skeptical of it so I don't get...

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The Call of Your Wild

In his book, The Truth: An Uncomfortable Book About Relationships, Neil Straus says, “They say that when you meet someone and feel like it's love at first sight, run in the other direction. All that's happened is that your dysfunction has meshed with their dysfunction. Your wounded inner child has recognized their wounded inner child, both hoping to be healed by the same fire that burned them.”   This is not the first time I have heard this dating advice. Somehow our natural instincts are perceived as dangerous and letting us down.   What if it is true that we are attracted to...

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It’s Only Handbags!

I looked it up, and Angus' definition is accurate. "It's only handbags", is a British term used to describe a pointless and worthless argument, derived from the image of old ladies having a handbag (purse) fight at the bus stop. Angus was not referring to our neighbor's dogs as handbags, but who knows what he thought Angus meant. That is how it goes. We each live in our own separate reality. The best way to avoid confusion and limit conflict is to remember how surprisingly different perspectives can be so we assume less and check things out more. If Angus...

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Rewilding Your Organization

I’ve been writing recently about the rewilding work Angus and I do with couples helping them to return to the natural state of love and harmony in their relationships. But another area of work we do where rewilding is transformative is in organizations.   I believe it was in a David Whyte talk where I heard him ask the audience, “Do you know why you should leave your car window open a crack before going into the office?” His response was, “So the 99% of you that you leave in the car when you go into the office doesn’t die.”   No organization...

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