Rohini’s Blog

Navigating Defensiveness In Relationships

Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person's behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini...

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Rewilding Your Relationship — Even if You are Feeling Discouraged, Disheartened, or Desperate

Part 1   Start with yourself!   Angus and I work with many couples who are in committed relationships that have lost their spark. It is often described as living like roommates or having a business relationship. Sometimes these couples have very little conflict in their relationship, but they feel like they are coexisting. Other times there is high conflict at times that leads to polarization and periods of distance. Believe it or not, conflict is an attempt to connect and experience intimacy. These couples actually feel more hope than the couples that no longer have conflict in their relationship. They are still willing...

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The Secret Sauce For Relationships

Heartfelt apologies and being able to make up after conflict is the secret sauce that makes relationships resilient and increases intimacy and goodwill. Even though Angus and Rohini were naturally inclined to get over things and move on, Rohini couldn't help herself and brought yet another technique into their relationship. This did not foster goodwill and felt inauthentic. For the secret sauce to work it needs to be genuine and heartfelt.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom...

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Your Beautiful Self

I actively work against my desire to present only my best self. I resist the urge to using my writing to only show the parts of me I like. I forget who I am and have inclinations to try and feel worthy and good enough by seeing myself as better than and special. My need to look good and be the best, or at least better than, is still lurking in my consciousness. And I judge this harshly.   I don’t like that I feel queasy when I bare my soul and allow myself to be seen. I wish I had more...

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Emotional Safety & Honesty In Relationships

I learned the hard way that emotional safety is what allows for open, honest, authentic communication in relationships. At the beginning of our relationship, my rigidity and judgment did not create the fertile ground for Angus to talk about his struggle with drugs. Rather than this increasing intimacy, it created a wall between us. Honesty flourishes in the container of love and compassion where each person can be fully heard and understood even when there isn't agreement. From this place of understanding, polarization dissolves, and hopefulness and possibility can bloom. Fortunately, we got better at this over the years. We...

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Lessons Learned From the Elusive Big “O”

This post references sexuality and female orgasms. If you are sensitive to these topics, please give this one a miss.   There are some things in life where it is obvious that willpower is not going to get you there. Having an orgasm is one of them. There was a period of time when I was going through the changes associated with menopause that orgasms became more elusive, and for part of that time nonexistent. This was disconcerting, but I learned to enjoy the valley orgasm of sensual pleasure and focus on slowing down, letting go of the goal of reaching a...

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What’s Wrong With Soul-Gazing Before Sex?

Rohini admits to trying to use techniques and strategies to try and improve her relationship with Angus. Angus reveals his least favorite technique she attempted to implement. Eventually, Rohini realized she was trying to use all of the techniques and strategies to try and change Angus because she thought if he were different she would feel safer and more loved. What was really missing was a deeper connection with her true nature of love and wellbeing. When Rohini experienced a deeper connection with her essential nature, she no longer needed to change Angus to feel better, and Angus was given...

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Mixed Marriage: Neurotypical & Neurodiverse

We all have learned conditioning that we see the present moment through. Angus is having flashbacks to his painful days of tutoring when we work on our podcast. This led to him having a meltdown last week. This was an important reminder for both of us to respect the neurodiversity in our relationship and find ways to understand and support each other rather than trying to make one size fit all. And it is actually Angus that puts the pressure on himself to conform rather than respect what his needs are because he was told so many times that he...

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The Best Self-Care Ever

I had Dave Banks as a guest speaker for a webinar this week, and he spoke of the importance of humility. He shared how humility is the key that opens the door to surrender. It was a helpful reminder to me because I can often forget to be humble and to remember that life isn’t about me. Even my actions for good causes and acts of service can become co-opted by my ego.   One of the reminders of this is when I get tired. When I overdo it, it is a reminder that my personal identity has become too front and...

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Let’s Work Together For This Blue Planet

Today I am irritable. I am frustrated. I am grumpy. I am angry. I am pissed off!   This used to be a problem because I was not allowed to be angry. I had conditioned myself to be nice. Anger had to be cut off or at least cordoned off so I could feel like a good person. There was no room for anger if this brown girl wanted to be good.   "Don’t mess with your place. Don’t upset the apple cart. Stay in line. Toe the line. Stay small."   "It doesn’t matter that it hurts. It doesn't matter that it is tight....

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