Blog Archives | Rohini Ross - Part 5
 

Blog Archives

Mixed Marriage: Neurotypical & Neurodiverse

We all have learned conditioning that we see the present moment through. Angus is having flashbacks to his painful days of tutoring when we work on our podcast. This led to him having a meltdown last week. This was an important reminder for both of us to respect the neurodiversity in our relationship and find ways to understand and support each other rather than trying to make one size fit all. And it is actually Angus that puts the pressure on himself to conform rather than respect what his needs are because he was told so many times that he...

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The Best Self-Care Ever

I had Dave Banks as a guest speaker for a webinar this week, and he spoke of the importance of humility. He shared how humility is the key that opens the door to surrender. It was a helpful reminder to me because I can often forget to be humble and to remember that life isn’t about me. Even my actions for good causes and acts of service can become co-opted by my ego.   One of the reminders of this is when I get tired. When I overdo it, it is a reminder that my personal identity has become too front and...

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Let’s Work Together For This Blue Planet

Today I am irritable. I am frustrated. I am grumpy. I am angry. I am pissed off!   This used to be a problem because I was not allowed to be angry. I had conditioned myself to be nice. Anger had to be cut off or at least cordoned off so I could feel like a good person. There was no room for anger if this brown girl wanted to be good.   "Don’t mess with your place. Don’t upset the apple cart. Stay in line. Toe the line. Stay small."   "It doesn’t matter that it hurts. It doesn't matter that it is tight....

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Resolving Struggles Over Household Chores

We have separate realities around household chores. Angus is "visually sensitive." Rohini likes to leave things out as a reminder to do them. Angus feels like the kitchen sometimes looks like a Salvador Dali nightmare and would rather it be more in the theme of a Renoir. Add teenagers into the mix and feelings around household chores can run high. What we have found helpful to remember is, if you are in a low mood, do not take your thinking seriously. Instead, put the oxygen mask on yourself first.   We do our best not to engage in problem-solving from a low...

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Anti-Racist Work and Spiritual Inquiry

I have been heartened this past few weeks by the number of spiritual teachers from different traditions speaking out against racism and making it clear that anti-racism is part of the spiritual work and not separate from it. Eckhart Tolle, Tara Brach, Ron and Mary Hulnick, all made their position clear that they were taking action to support anti-racist work and standing up rather than standing by. I also really appreciated listening to Gangaji’s podcast Being Yourself: Meeting the Roots of Racism Within. Thanks to Sara J. Sanderson Co-founder of When Women Speak Global Network for sharing and bringing it to...

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The Game of Taking Things Personally

It is so much easier to not take things personally with someone you aren't close to. The lack of a close relationship helps you to keep your perspective and not make it about you. However, with people that you are close with, it can be hard to see the big picture and not feel hurt by their behavior even over insignificant things like dishes left in the sink. Angus uses a video game metaphor to point to what helps to have more inner stability. When you realize you are the gamer and not the game, it is easier to be...

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Holding A Compassionate Space For Anger

Anger can be incredibly painful and difficult to navigate in relationships. Angus and I have had our fair share of challenges with this in the past. It is often difficult to talk about because of the shame associated with reactive behaviors. Unfortunately, shame makes us resist our feelings so it is harder for them to disperse and more difficult to gain perspective within ourselves. Shame also makes it much less likely for us to reach out for support when it is needed most.   The only act of physical violence in my marriage was committed by me. This happened about sixteen years...

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My Partner is Driving Me Crazy

My partner is driving me more crazy than usual. This topic has been coming up in Rohini’s coaching conversations. It is something we can both relate to. What we recognize for ourselves is that this is not a reflection of the other person’s behavior, but a reflection of our state of mind. Angus uses the example of my picking my cuticles to illustrate this point. When he is in a low mood it drives him crazy. When he is in a good mood it doesn’t bother him. We share this as a reminder and an invitation to you to look...

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Untamed: A Podcast About Relationships

Enjoy a sneak preview of our upcoming podcast where Angus and I spend an entire season sharing our journey guiding an anonymous, real couple toward their true natures so they can decide what to do regarding their marriage that is on the brink of divorce.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. They co-facilitate individualized couples...

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Anger and Taking Things Personally

Angus has a hard start to the day so he wanted a bit of a do-over when answering a question about taking things personally. Rohini can't keep a straight face when he talks about climbing El Capitan without "cling-ons." We hope the take away is that when we take things personally and our feelings get hurt, remember that is a reflection of your state of mind in the moment. Even if you have done something wrong, the feedback doesn't have to be taken personally. It can be received with an open mind and an open heart so that there can...

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