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Rohini’s Blog

He Said, She Said: Don’t Tell Me I’m Not Going to Die!

This week Angus and I share our birth story number two. It is even more intense than number 1. In terms of the general learning, it was an example of Angus seeing he didn't need to fix my emotional distress and that what was actually helpful was to hear my experience without trying to change it. And for me, I am simply grateful for what an amazing husband he is!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord...

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Seeing We Hallucinate Reality Helps Relationships

I recently watched Anil Seth's Ted Talk Your Brain Hallucinates Your Conscious Reality. His research affirms Anaïs Nin's quote, "We don't see the world as it is, we see it as we are." Seth shares that what we perceive is a constructive process generated from the inside out. He says we create our experience of reality based on our brain's best guess at what is going on. He provides examples of illusions and experiments that demonstrate how easy it is for the brain's perceptions to be skewed.   In our daily life we are constantly filling in the blanks to try and make...

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He Said, She Said: Don’t Let Your Thinking Stop You

Angus is experiencing Vlog block due to getting caught up in his insecure thinking, but he proceeds anyway! I recognize the benefit of stepping into the unknown and seeing what emerges. Life has too many variables to work everything out ahead of time. Being responsive in the moment, real-time, is what is most important. This proved true when Angus was driving us to the hospital when I was in labor with our eldest daughter.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them...

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You Can’t Stop Negative Thoughts, But You Don’t Have to Take Them Seriously

Sometimes new clients think the understanding I share with them is too simple, and even long-term clients in a moment of distress can get frustrated and want me to give them something to do rather than point them in the direction of how their experience is created. It is always my intention to help my clients reduce their suffering. I believe the best way to do this is to help them see more clearly the full picture of where their experience comes from rather than giving them techniques and strategies to deal with a very narrow part of it. Trying to...

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He Said, She Said: Angus’s Absentmindedness

There is a lot going on in this week's Vlog. We get photo bombed by our eldest daughter. Angus learns to keep his pants on and not check in at seedy motels on Facebook. On a more serious note, I see how my irritation with Angus's absent mindedness is only ever a result of the story in my head and nothing to do with him. Angus recognizes how he can use his feelings as a compass to let him know when it is not a good time to engage in communication with me.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work...

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Relationship Challenges Aren’t Solved With Communication Skills

In his book, The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work, John Gottman identifies criticism, contempt, defensiveness and stonewalling as the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse that predict the demise of a relationship. These styles of communication are all indicators that goodwill in the relationship is dismally low. Traditional relationship advice is to learn behavioral and communication skills to keep these Four Horsemen at bay. What this advice misses, however, is that couples don't have communication problems. They have challenges as the result of diminished goodwill. When there is a good feeling between two people, communication is never the problem, even when...

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The Problem is Fear. The By-Product is Violence. The Solution is Love.

The enemy is fear. We think it is hate; but it is fear. ~ Gandhi   I remember waiting on the platform of the underground in London when the station was flooded with skinheads. I felt fear and did my best to be as unobtrusive as possible. I know not all skinheads are fascist neo-Nazi’s, but I was afraid. I was no longer with people on the platform. I was with an “other” that scared me.   As I watched the news of the violence in Charlottesville, and heard about more upcoming white supremacist marches across the United States, I felt disturbed and sad....

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He Said, She Said: Isolation Tank Mishaps

I thought it would be fun to experience a float. So Angus and I signed up to go in isolation tanks for two hours. I was concerned I might get claustrophobic, but it turns out I had quite a relaxing time of it. Angus on the other hand was up and down like a jack-in-the box.   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized...

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Gain With No Pain

There is a prevailing view that success requires blood, sweat, and tears. It cannot be easy! I absolutely believe that success does require effort and engagement, but I don't agree that effort and engagement need to be hard and painful.   In most areas of life, pain is recognized as a healthy feedback mechanism that lets us know something is wrong. We override it at our peril. I learned this in my twenties when I used a garlic poultice to treat a rash on my chest. It hurt like hell, but I persisted because I thought it was working. I pushed through...

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He Said, She Said: Panic Attacks and Bouncing Back

This week I share my experience getting up close and personal with a panic attack. Angus shares an experience of sheer panic from years ago. It is amazing the power our thoughts have on our physiology as is our innate capacity to bounce back. It is such a relief to know we are designed to stabilize without any effort needed on our part. Seeing this makes it so much easier for me to surrender into what is -- at least more often. Add there is a good lesson on safe sex too!   Angus and Rohini are both coaches. They work with individuals,...

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