Blog Archives

Water Rage

I am not allowed to be pissed off. I can’t be angry. Rage is forbidden. No wonder I am claustrophobic. I am suffocated by the pressure of my rules squeezing me tight like a boa constrictor, squeezing the life out of me. I get to live life as a sucked out shell with a smile on my face. I aim to please.   That is how I earn my worth. I am of service. Let me help you. I will make you happy. I am a service professional at the age of 14 busing tables, bringing bread, and fetching water. I get...

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Healthy Relationships and Conflict

We used to think that conflict was bad and that it meant there was something wrong with our relationship. This put pressure on us to try and improve ourselves and improve our relationship. All this did was make us more tense and it had us focus on what was wrong rather than appreciate and be grateful for what we did have. Now we see that it is okay if our relationship has conflict from time to time. It is not the end of the world. It doesn't mean anything about us or our relationship. What is more important is that...

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70’s Insomnia

I am scared. I am afraid of the emptiness. I don’t want to let go. The ways to escape sleep are limited. My imagination is my best means to keep myself safe from the angst of nothingness. I entertain myself in another world where I am the central character all-powerful and in control.    From birth, I did not want to sleep. I resisted the shift in consciousness and this followed me into childhood. Now vast swathes of hours awake confront me as I lie in bed at 7:30 pm. The dutiful daughter. I can hear the brothers next door playing outside....

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Insecurity and Relationship Conflict

Angus and I noticed a pattern earlier in our relationship where when one of us was nervous we were more likely to get into conflict. This week we passed an invisible test when that didn't happen even though I had been feeling nervous. What was different was I was better able to tolerate my feelings of insecurity and be comfortable in the discomfort. In the past, as a way to try and avoid the experience of insecurity, one of us would turn to blame and make the other person responsible for our feelings in a misguided attempt to try and...

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I Am Human

I am human, a fallen angel. The musings of my imagination create fantastical scenarios that are so pleasing but never arrive. The delights and pleasures I was expecting seem to elude me. I am sorely disappointed with this lifetime. I am the disappointment of a lifetime. I am a failure in my eyes. I am a failure in God’s. eyes. I never to measure up.   Throw expectations out the window, hopes, and dreams with them like the baby and bathwater. I’m not the apple of my eye. The satisfaction never to be fulfilled is disappointing, but that is what I have to...

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How to Navigate Conflict in Relationships

It is easy to get discouraged in the face of conflict. Couples often believe that conflict means they are incompatible. However, the issues that are the content of the conflict are often easily resolved when each person is in an open-hearted and relaxed frame of mind. The challenge with conflict then is not usually the issue. It is with how attached we can become to defending our position and how unwilling we can be to really seek to understand our partner.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord...

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The Fear of Pure Freedom

As an adult, I’m supposed to have things figured out, or at least that is the way it feels. I bought into the idea that I am supposed to take the weight of the world on my shoulders even though I still get lost and caught up in the interminable stream of thoughts that float around my brain. I don’t know if I am ever going to feel like an adult.   My youngest daughter just moved out and I still feel like a kid. Instead of having things figured out, I find myself seeking, looking, longing to feel secure. I crave...

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Anxiety and Conflict

Angus was very attached to his mattress. It took Rohini ages to convince him to get a new one. However, when Angus was putting the new bed together he found himself getting reactive because he thought the new mattress was no better than a horse mat. Some harsh words were exchanged, but once the mattress had expanded, and Angus and Rohini had stabilized, Angus realized the ego is like a hoarder. It wants to hoard whatever feels familiar because it feels anxious about the unknown. Fortunately, understanding this makes it easier to ignore the ego's hoarding mentality and to have...

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Who Are You?

Who are you during this time of reckoning?   Who are you when violence goes unpunished and the necks of the vulnerable are trodden on?   Who are you while the trees burn, animals disappear, ocean’s rise, and hurricanes rage?   Who are you as families are torn apart trying to survive and find a better life?   Who are you when power is held in the hands of a few who are lining their pockets with gold, while others go hungry and without shelter?   Who are you when a leader tells you he will not leave?   Who are you when 200,000 lives are dismissed as an insignificant statistic and...

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Beating the Algorithm of Anxiety

Angus was introduced to Tik Tok by his daughters and discovered a new metaphor through indulging in his guilty pleasure. Having his feed overrun by fishing videos, helped him see he needed to ignore them in order to shift the algorithm. The same is true for your anxious thoughts. When you don't identify with them, they naturally dissipate. What helps is recognizing the capacity you have to leave your thoughts alone. You already do this naturally. It is not a new skill to learn. It is simply a recognition that you can ignore compelling thoughts just like you ignore other...

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