marriage | Rohini Ross - Part 5

Psychological Innocence

Everyone is doing the best they can at all times, and our best does fluctuate. Seeing this is what allows us to see our own and everyone else's psychological innocence. There is freedom in that. Judgment and blame naturally fall away and we drop into our natural state of love. Angus and I can find ourselves caught up in blame and judgment at times, but it is helpful to know that the freedom from suffering has nothing to do who or what we are blaming and everything to do with us forgetting who we are and that our wellbeing resides within. Whenever we...

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Expectations Are Harmful To Relationships

Relationships are hard when we look to them to get our needs met. It is inevitable that our partner is not going to meet our needs in some areas some of the time and in other areas consistently. And it seems that couples pick the perfect partner for not meeting their needs, or perhaps, we react in such a way that it is inevitable that our partner will eventually respond in a way that doesn't meet our needs.   Rather than relationship work being focused on understanding each other's needs and increasing expectations that our partner will meet our needs, what about...

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What Is The One Thing That Always Makes A Difference In Relationships?

In relationships, struggles often happen when we blame our partner for our upset. It can look like we need our partner to be different in order to be happy. The more we look in that direction, the more real that appears. And the more real it looks, the harder it is to enjoy our partner exactly as they are. But there is another direction to look in. The direction of wellbeing, the true self, your natural state. No matter what is going on in your relationship, looking in that direction is going to be of benefit. It naturally allows the personal mind...

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The Myth of Happily Ever After

Angus and I are developing a free Rewilding Love challenge that will launch next year. As I reflect on what it is that allows love to be rekindled and to flourish in a relationship, I see more and more it is not about the other person. For me, it has been through having a deeper awakening to my impersonal loving nature that has allowed my marriage to thrive. This is something we can lose sight of as we become more and more focused on the personal nature of the relationship and our partner.   The myth of happily ever after links love...

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What Do Wall-Sits and Relationships Have in Common?

They can both be really uncomfortable.    I started doing the 7-minute workout recently and was sharing how much my legs shook when doing the wall-sit exercise. I was then told that being able to do the wall sit is linked to success in long-term relationships. I did look up this statistic, but could not find any corroborating evidence. However, the logic makes sense to me. The correlation is, if you can do the wall-sit, you don’t take discomfort seriously and are able to look beyond the experience and keep going.   This would indicate that long-term relationships have high levels of discomfort at...

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Try This Experiment If You Are Unhappy In Your Relationship

If you are unhappy in your relationship are you willing to try an experiment?    It is an experiment designed to reduce your suffering not to save your relationship. And whatever happens in terms of the outcome for your relationship, you will have the learning from the experiment. That goes with you even if the relationship ends.   Angus and I do our best to have no attachment to outcomes when working with our clients. We see our responsibility being to educate our clients so they can connect more deeply with their own wellbeing and see more clearly what gets in the way of...

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Look Toward Wellbeing When Your Laundry List of Woes Grabs You

When you get caught up in your laundry list of woes about your partner, see if you can remember that trying to improve your relationship by reviewing the list will only create more suffering. What you are really looking for is an inner experience of being connected with who you are. If you remember this, it helps you to get unglued from all of the complaints that come to mind when you are upset and points you back to your natural state. It helps you to drop out of your head so you can fall back into your heart and...

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Do You Have A Problem With Your Partner’s Low Moods

A big SHOUT OUT to Dr. Amy Johnson who has two free webinars coming up and her Little School of Big Change is launching soon. I've included the links below.   Now for Angus and me, one of the most common themes that comes up when we work with the couples is one or both of them not liking each other's behavior when they are in a low mood and thinking their partner needs to change in order for them to be happy.   Relationships are so much easier when we understand our partner's low mood behavior is not personal, and if we are...

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The Best Relationship Remedy

Relationship advice is usually focused on trying to cultivate more of a feeling of love that comes and goes rather than on waking up to your essence of love that is always there no matter what. It might seem counter-intuitive to focus on something that can only be found and experienced within when it looks like the issues are without involving two people not just oneself, but ultimately any experience of upset we experience comes from within.   It is the ultimate in empowerment, freedom, and liberation to see that what causes our internal experiences arises from our own thoughts and not...

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Teenagers and Getting Intoxicated with Anger

Angus and I have both been brought to our knees recently and humbled by witnessing ourselves become intoxicated with anger. Worst of all it was in our relationship with our teenage daughter!   There have been lessons on both sides. For Angus, he saw his capacity to ride out his intoxication with anger from a neutral space and return to his natural state of love quite quickly. For me, I saw more clearly how my reactivity is only the result of me taking things personally. I embodied the understanding a little more deeply so the next time I was confronted with reactivity,...

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