Conflict | Rohini Ross - Part 3

The Secret Sauce For Relationships

Heartfelt apologies and being able to make up after conflict is the secret sauce that makes relationships resilient and increases intimacy and goodwill. Even though Angus and Rohini were naturally inclined to get over things and move on, Rohini couldn't help herself and brought yet another technique into their relationship. This did not foster goodwill and felt inauthentic. For the secret sauce to work it needs to be genuine and heartfelt.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom...

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Mixed Marriage: Neurotypical & Neurodiverse

We all have learned conditioning that we see the present moment through. Angus is having flashbacks to his painful days of tutoring when we work on our podcast. This led to him having a meltdown last week. This was an important reminder for both of us to respect the neurodiversity in our relationship and find ways to understand and support each other rather than trying to make one size fit all. And it is actually Angus that puts the pressure on himself to conform rather than respect what his needs are because he was told so many times that he...

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Resolving Struggles Over Household Chores

We have separate realities around household chores. Angus is "visually sensitive." Rohini likes to leave things out as a reminder to do them. Angus feels like the kitchen sometimes looks like a Salvador Dali nightmare and would rather it be more in the theme of a Renoir. Add teenagers into the mix and feelings around household chores can run high. What we have found helpful to remember is, if you are in a low mood, do not take your thinking seriously. Instead, put the oxygen mask on yourself first.   We do our best not to engage in problem-solving from a low...

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The Game of Taking Things Personally

It is so much easier to not take things personally with someone you aren't close to. The lack of a close relationship helps you to keep your perspective and not make it about you. However, with people that you are close with, it can be hard to see the big picture and not feel hurt by their behavior even over insignificant things like dishes left in the sink. Angus uses a video game metaphor to point to what helps to have more inner stability. When you realize you are the gamer and not the game, it is easier to be...

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Holding A Compassionate Space For Anger

Anger can be incredibly painful and difficult to navigate in relationships. Angus and I have had our fair share of challenges with this in the past. It is often difficult to talk about because of the shame associated with reactive behaviors. Unfortunately, shame makes us resist our feelings so it is harder for them to disperse and more difficult to gain perspective within ourselves. Shame also makes it much less likely for us to reach out for support when it is needed most.   The only act of physical violence in my marriage was committed by me. This happened about sixteen years...

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Messy, Awkward, and Emotional — That is Spiritual Too

Over the past several weeks, my discomfort with upsetting people has required me to look inward and dig more deeply for my own inner guidance and wisdom than I have had to do in a while. I know my uncomfortable emotions are a sign of reactivity letting me know I am identifying with my ego. I have been on the learning curve of not taking other people’s upset with me personally. The upset has not only been coming from reactions to my blog posts, although it has been particularly disconcerting to be on the receiving end of racist feedback, but...

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Neutrality is Heartless in the Face of Injustice

I want to acknowledge all of the support demonstrated by my readers for anti-racism and for the acknowledgment that Black Lives Matter. As many of you know, my blog posts focus on sharing my personal experience and what I am learning and seeing more deeply related to the experience of living in the human form with more love and understanding.   I share with the intent of being of service, and I encourage you to use my reflections to stimulate your own personal inquiry so you look inward and listen deeply to the wisdom of your true nature. From there, your actions...

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Black Lives Matter

Thank you for being a reader!   Last week I shared on social media how surprised I was that so many people unsubscribed from my newsletter in one morning after my last post. I also acknowledged that I didn’t know why people unsubscribed. I received a tremendous amount of support, and some people emailed to let me know their unsubscribe was not related to that week’s post. But I did receive this email:   Rohini, I enjoyed your and Angus's posts very much. But I resent your using the 3 principles platform to promote your political agenda. When I signed up to your emails,...

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Rise To The Level of Love And Stand For Justice

The outrage over the death of George Floyd in police custody has incited a wave of protests and violence across the United States. Here in LA, we have had an enforced curfew for the past two nights due to the shift from peaceful protests to riots and lootings. All of this is layered on top of the impact on the city of the pandemic. Many small businesses who might have been looking forward to opening their doors, now have more struggles to deal with. It was heartbreaking to watch an African American store owner in tears as his property was...

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What Kind of Love is Enough For Relationships?

People say that love is not enough to keep a relationship working. However, the love I am referring to here is not personal, romantic love. I am referring to the unconditional love that is the essence of who we are. This love is transformative and available no matter what the state of a relationship. And when we experiencing it, it is the best state of mind from which to make relationship decisions. Unconditional love is available, and it does not mean unconditional relationship, but it allows for truly self-honoring choices to be made that reflect authentic empowerment and inner wisdom.   Love...

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