Invisible State of Mind
It amazes me that my state of mind can be invisible to me. What I mean by that is that in my perception I think I am okay and in my right mind, but actually, I am destabilized. It is obvious to me when I am feeling extremes of upset, but what I share about in the Vlog is more subtle. Now I know when Angus says I am being stern, critical or on my high horse, he is probably right. He is picking up on my feeling state.
Normally I think he is the crazy one and just out of balance, so I dismiss what he is saying. I feel even more righteous in my sanity because he is losing his cool and telling me that I am upset. Clearly, he is the one with the problem! Until something clicked when I heard a colleague speaking about his relationship with his daughter and how he thought he was rational and reasonable and then recognized he was out of his mind. A light bulb went off inside of me and revealed to me what was previously invisible. I started to see when I am in my hyper-rational and reasonable state and feeling very justified my feeling is right.
I am judgemental of Angus. I am not compassionate and loving. I am thinking things like why can’t you just get it together? What is your problem? These aren’t really the quality of thinking of an enlightened master. And then what also blew me away was when my colleague said he decided to get over himself in service to fostering goodwill in the relationship. That had never occurred to me because I didn’t think I had anything to get over. It looked to me like the only person who had anything to get over was Angus.
All of a sudden I realized I had an opportunity to get over myself and not take my thinking seriously so I could get back to a loving state of mind. This was now obvious to me. And I knew it was possible because I have done this before. There are many times when I don’t take Angus’s upset personally, but when it was related to our daughter it was like Kryptonite to Superman. I was brought to my knees but didn’t even realize it.
Seeing this is the antidote. It is going to be much harder for me to not notice when I am becoming tense in the face of Angus’s upset now. And it is much clearer to me that anytime I feel he needs to get over himself it is an indicator that I need to do exactly the same thing. And getting over myself is so much easier than I used to think. I thought that talking, processing, mining my emotional pain, revisiting my history, looking at my weaknesses, was the way to heal and become stronger. Now I see that all that does is take me deeper into the mire. It is like Superman sitting down and eating a meal of Kryptonite.
Rather than looking in the direction of the content of my mental and emotional suffering. I can instead take a step back and understand where my experience comes from. I can look at how my upset is a temporary experience not based in the past, but 100% coming from the present moment. My thoughts and feelings are real time and they move through me. Whatever my experience is, it is created by my thoughts in the moment, and the good news about that is that thoughts are fluid. There is no fixed story or narrative. There is thought. And that thought is part of the divine expression of who we are.
It comes from the pure creative potential that is the essence of who we are. When I see this there is nothing to be afraid of. There is no need for Angus to be different. There is no need for me to be different. There is simply the awareness that all is well with whatever emotional experience I am having. This is what allows me to get over myself. Rather than delving into the content of my thoughts and thinking they are a problem. Instead, I can remember the truth of who I am as I let the emotional experience move through me.
Rohini and Angus are both coaches. They work with individuals, leaders, and organizations to increase performance and success. They also love working with couples and helping them reduce conflict and discord so they can experience more love and harmony in their relationships. They co-facilitate individualized three-day couples intensives that support the deepening of connection and understanding. They work with couples who are struggling and couples who would like to deepen the love and intimacy they already have. Rohini is the author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) and founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality and the Teachings of Sydney Banks being offered in Santa Monica, California starting October 2018. You can also subscribe to her weekly blog that includes this weekly Vlog on her website, rohiniross.com.