Love Is Not Only The Answer; It Is Also The Question And Everything Else In Between
Angus and I are hopefully heading back to LA as this blog post is being sent out. I am so used to writing my posts right before they get sent it feels strange to write something that won’t be published until two weeks from now.
One of the things that I noticed this week, is I can get a bit antsy before leaving on a trip. I usually deal with this by leaving packing to the last minute. This works for me because then I don’t spend that much time thinking about it so there is less time to worry. This trip, however, needed more thoughtful planning. Items needed to be purchased. I am gone for longer than usual and still committed to only taking carry-on luggage. And, being away and off wifi means that I have to make sure that all time-sensitive work is done ahead of time and ready to go.
I notice feeling some tension and stress. At times I want to be further along in the process than I am. My perfectionistic ways kick in. I want everything to be right. I want all the tasks to be completed and everything packed just so. There is no room for forgetting one thing.
As I recognize that my level of enjoyment is going down and my need to feel in control is going up, I am able to take a step back and get reflective. I see how my desire to be in control is very visible in this situation, but this circumstance is only highlighting a more generic and subtle way of being where I identify with things needing to be a certain way in order for me to be okay.
I see how real it looks to me that my okayness is dependent on circumstances. I recognize that this stretches far beyond going on vacation to all areas of my life. There are just times when I forget that my okayness is not dependent on anything outside of me. Whenever I forget this, I experience some level of pressure because I either need to make things better or maintain what is to avoid the undesirable consequences or circumstances that I perceive will take away my wellbeing.
I never realized, previously, how helpful it is to simply see that my anxiety is simply me being gripped by thoughts that tell me my wellbeing is at stake. I am just identifying with my okayness being rooted in circumstances. Seeing this helps me to remember that my wellbeing is not attached to the material world. There are plenty of ways that I can experience discomfort in the mental, emotional, or physical realm, but that has nothing to do with wellbeing.
On a recent free webinar for the Soul-Centered Series, Judith Sedgeman used the metaphor for peace of mind as the current beneath the surface of the ocean. No matter what the waves are doing on the top of the ocean, the current is always there at a deeper level. This is the relationship between our True Nature and our psychological experience. No matter what we experience on the psychological level there is always the loving essence of our True Nature below the surface. If we look within ourselves peace of mind, love, compassion, and empathy are always there. They are not emotions that come and go. They are who we are.
There is a sweet surrender and freedom is remembering who I am. I no longer have to worry about the storms going on in my mind. I don’t have to improve myself. I can simply recognize how insignificant my ever-changing personal drama is in comparison to what is beyond that — the mystery.
This doesn’t mean that I won’t do my best to be organized and to get things ready for our trip, but the pressure to get it right subsides when I see it for the coping mechanism that it is. When I remember where to look for my wellbeing there are no stakes placed on my doing. I’m not listening to my worry and trying to assuage it with perfection. Instead, there is just common sense and doing when necessary.
Remembering there is a choice of what I am going to identify with is key. Am I going to remember that my True Nature is my formless essence unchanging and impossible to damage? Or am I going to identify with my fragile human form that is constantly at risk of peril? I am one packing mistake away from ruin when it comes to the world of form.
Previously, I didn’t appreciate the practicality of identifying with my True Nature as much. It was something to get to when everything else was straight. Now I see that nothing is ever going to be straight, or if it is, it won’t stay straight for any length of time. So why identify my safety and security with that? It is exhausting. There is so much more relief and comfort in recognizing that who I am is the gap between my ideas about myself and life. The gap is far more comforting than the ideas themselves.
Looking between my thoughts has actually resulted in me sleeping better before going on this trip. I see there is my experience and there is the space between my experience. I used to ignore the nothing and only noticed the something. Now, the nothing has more appeal. Rather than it feeling empty, I recognize it is the window into the feeling of my formless nature. That is what I had been looking for all along.
I encourage you to look within to who you are beyond the ups and downs of your psychology. It is a seeing rather than a doing, a recognition rather than a search. Before you try to fix anything about yourself or optimize yourself or your life in any way, look in the direction of who you are first. Experience the current of love that is your True Nature and see what makes sense after that. Love is not only the answer; it is also the question and everything else in between. Not personal romantic love, but the impersonal love that is the essence of who we all are.
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their full potential. She is a transformative coach, leadership consultant, a regular blogger for Thrive Global, and author of the short-read Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1) available on Amazon. You can get her free eBook Relationships here. Rohini has an international coaching and consulting practice based in Los Angeles helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. She is also the founder of The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality, and the Teachings of Sydney Banks. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and watch her Vlogs with her husband. To learn more about her work go to her website, rohiniross.com.
Christine Heath & Judy Sedgeman – Spirituality and Resilience
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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William Hutcherson
02.09.2019 at 03:56This was such a wonderful article. It is like you were putting the exact words to what my thoughts have been in “overreacting” to my wife’s desires to make some “changes” in the colors of our kitchen walls. Ha… Then in my relatively “empty” space early this morning in bed I realized how dependent and fearful I was being on holding to “my will” of wanting “my colors” instead of embracing the love and enthusiasm of my wife’s creativity . I then re-connected with my love and gratitude for her… and for the “unknown” of how this will actually turn out… once again opening my heart to “Thy Will”.
Yes, I now feel so good at finally surrendering to the freedom of “floating” in the deeper waters of my “peace of mind, love, compassion, and empathy”… which are always there beneath the surface of my conditioned fear thoughts.
A great big thanks to you!
Rohini
04.09.2019 at 14:02Hi Bill,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience and what you saw! So helpful! I love your metaphor of floating in the deeper waters of your peace of mind. So beautiful! Sending love, Rohini