‘Tis the Season of Peace, Goodwill, and Holiday Stress
Angus and our youngest daughter got our Christmas tree last week. I purchased all of the girls stocking stuffers way ahead of time. Even though our daughters are young adults, we all love the Christmas morning ritual of them opening the gifts in their pillowcases. Angus’s family used pillowcases rather than stockings. This seemed very practical, so we kept that tradition.
And even though this is the season of peace and goodwill, all of the festivities can come with the experience of extra pressure and holiday stress that can take a toll on health and relationships.
I have experienced internal pressure to have a good time and for things to be just right. One year I practically threatened to divorce Angus because he hadn’t bought croissants, which are our daughters’ breakfast of choice on Christmas day. He ended up calling every bakery still open on Christmas eve and eventually found one that had croissants and agreed to stay open for me to drive there and pick them up. He couldn’t understand what the big deal was. I was acting as if my life depended on it. Not one of my finest moments. Another time, on Christmas day, I got into a massive fight with one of our daughters that disrupted our dinner. I should have known better, but I took the bait, and things blew up. Fortunately, we were both able to settle and salvage the evening so we could genuinely enjoy playing after-dinner family games which is another one of our traditions. Angus and I typically trounce our daughters at Pictionary, but this year they won at Thanksgiving, so all bets are off.
I’m sharing these stories with the hope of helping you to take the pressure off so you can avoid such shenanigans. Remember the importance of self-care during this time of year, and one of the best forms of self-care is to genuinely respect and take care of your state of mind.
Both of the instances above reflect me losing my bearings and being caught up in a busy state of mind. I lost my perspective and became emotionally reactive. In my desire to have things just right and for us to have a wonderful family experience, I practically ruined Christmas with some help, of course.
Now I can look back at these times with compassion for myself and even see the humor in my intensity, and I do want to learn from my mistakes.
So this year, I will prioritize my state of mind and do my best to notice if my habit of perfectionism kicks. My prescription for honoring my state of mind and connecting with the deeper feelings of my true nature this holiday season is lots of hikes with Niko, plenty of rest, cuddles and snuggles with Angus, page-turning novels on hand, and fun with friends. There will probably be ice baths and saunas included in the mix
I intend to consume sugar and alcohol in moderation and, to the best of my abilities, limit how much I pay attention to anxious thoughts that have me behave like a lunatic when I believe them.
How will you care for yourself and nurture a settled mind this holiday season? Of course, there is no one way to do that, but it does start with valuing and seeing the importance of having a relaxed mind and a settled nervous system. This naturally results in an open heart, a deeper sense of presence, and a greater capacity to enjoy the present moment.
Wishing you a happy and peaceful Holiday Season!
If you would like to listen to the Rewilding Love Podcast, it comes out in a serial format. Start with Episode 1 for context. Click here to listen. And, if you would like to dive deeper into the understanding I share along with additional support please check out the Rewilders Community.
Rohini Ross is co-founder of “The Rewilders.” Listen to her podcast, with her partner Angus Ross, Rewilding Love. They believe too many good relationships fall apart because couples give up thinking their relationship problems can’t be solved. In the first season of the Rewilding Love Podcast, Rohini and Angus help a couple on the brink of divorce due to conflict. Angus and Rohini also co-facilitate private couple’s intensive retreat programs that rewild relationships back to their natural state of love. Rohini is also the author of the ebook Marriage, and she and Angus are co-founders of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilders Community. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram. To learn more about her work and subscribe to her blog visit: TheRewilders.org.
Christine Heath & Judy Sedgeman – Spirituality and Resilience
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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