The Learning Curve of Being Human
We are all on the learning curve of being spiritual beings having a human experience, and we all have various learning curves we are navigating within that. Learning curves can be fun and exciting, especially when we are able to see that no matter where we are in the process, we are doing the best that we can and that is good enough. When we see this, we have an open mind. We are able to learn without attachment. This makes it easy to engage in learning, and the real-time feedback of our wisdom in the moment is more obvious to us when we are not judging our process.
What makes learning curves less enjoyable is judging where we are as not good enough and putting pressure on ourselves to be further along than we are. This is common sense and easy to see most of the time, except for the parts of our life where we get caught up in our insecure thinking. We all have areas in our life where it is easy for us to have a clear mind. For example, when my children we young, it was easy for me to not take their bad behavior or tantrums personally. I would have compassion for them and be able to see they were suffering and doing their best. This natural clarity did not, however, extend to my husband, Angus. In the past, I would take his frustration and anger personally. I was not able to be compassionate and see that he was doing the best he could. I would judge his best as not good enough and then try to make him change through my criticism.
Of course, this did not work out well for us and resulted in growing resentment on both sides. I did not realize I was possible to be on a learning curve of not taking Angus’s anger personally. Instead, I thought he needed to be on a learning curve of becoming less reactive. It wasn’t until I had fresh thinking around this that I was able to see that I didn’t need him to change in order for me to be happy. This was freedom!
When I woke up to the pressured thinking I was buying into telling me I needed to be better and feel better, it lost its power over me and naturally fell away. I dropped into a deeper experience of wellbeing within myself. From this state of mind, I was able to see Angus more clearly. I had greater perspective. I saw him more the way I saw my children. I did not take his anger personally. From a stable place within myself, I saw he was suffering and felt compassion.
When this happened, I realized I wanted to be on this learning curve. I wanted to experience this level of peace of mind more of the time independent of Angus’s mood or behavior. I felt hopeful because I realized I could get better at not taking his behavior personally. I saw I was not a victim. I finally recognized in this area of my life, that my experience was being created from the inside out — that I was feeling my thinking, not Angus’s behavior. This had been invisible to me before. Seeing that it was possible to not suffer got my attention, and I saw the benefit of having an open mind rather than sticking to my righteous position.
We are all designed to have fresh thinking. We can’t stop the infinite potential for new thought that resides within each one of us, but I was not paying attention to that. I was ignoring my capacity to have new, fresh thought, and instead using my gift of thought to focus on what was wrong with him. I believed my life would be better if he was less reactive and focused on all the ways this looked true to me. As a consequence of looking in this direction, I would find all kinds of evidence to prove myself right and make my beliefs look real. I breathed life into my judgmental thoughts and could only see a distorted version of Angus.
This shifted when I saw that my happiness could not be impacted by him or anything else outside of my thoughts. I saw that my wellbeing is a wellspring inside of me with infinite depth and has not barriers to it. It is always there, I just don’t always feel it because I get gripped by my insecure thoughts. There is no real barrier to my experience of wellbeing. There is only me getting caught up in the illusion of my insecure thinking and creating an experience of suffering. Waking up to this was so freeing, and I continue to see more. It is helpful to know I can be on a learning curve of waking up from the fog of my fear based thoughts that focus on self-protection, trying to get somewhere, and on improving myself to find happiness. Instead, I see with more clarity there is nowhere to go. Peace and wellbeing exist now. They are real and anything that is not that is transitory and a mirage.
Whatever your learning curve is, do you see that you are doing your best and that is good enough? Are you able to look in the direction of the certainty of new thought being available to you in service to your growth? Can you relax into the natural moment that exists and ride the energy of your inspiration?
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their true nature. She is a psychotherapist, a transformative coach, and author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1). She has an international coaching practice helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of wellbeing, resiliency, and success. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, watch her Vlogs with her husband, Angus Ross, and subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com. She has an upcoming program The Solopreneur Leap co-facilitated with Barb Patterson starting January 15th, 2018.
Christine Heath & Judy Sedgeman – Spirituality and Resilience
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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Monica Henderson
13.11.2017 at 03:17Rohini- I fully relate to your experience! I see that I can notice when I’m caught up in some insecure thinking, and, for some situations more than others, get caught up in self judgement about them. Thoughts like, “wow, you should be above this” or “I guess your still not good enough because you can’t get over yourself” and on and on. I can see these habitual patterns, and, as I have perspective, I can begin to feel some compassion for myself and realize that I’m on my own learning curve. Thanks for your insight! Take care.
Rohini
13.11.2017 at 07:43Hi Monica,
Thanks so much for sharing your experience! So glad you are able to get perspective and feel greater compassion for yourself. It is such a relief for it to be okay to be on a learning curve, and not have to have the pressure of having everything figured out. Lovely hearing from you!
Elsa Dickson Pike
13.11.2017 at 14:02This is very helpful, Rohini. Thank you!
Rohini
13.11.2017 at 14:41So glad you found it helpful Elsa!
Eleanor Youdell
18.02.2019 at 22:52Rohini, your writings have set me on a learning curve around the exact issues and patterns you describe, so thank you, I find your candidness so incredibly helpful.
Rohini
19.02.2019 at 13:35Hi Eleanor, Thanks so much for letting me know. Appreciate your comment!