Feeling very grateful to have co-facilitated a 3P Practitioner training with Linda Pransky, Carrie Sisson, and Angus Ross. We even had a special guest appearance from George Pransky. It was such a gift to meet human to human and explore the understanding of our human and spiritual nature. Teaching always forces me to open up to seeing more about the principles by stepping into the not knowing and sharing from that place. I see even more clearly now that there is nothing we need to do in order to experience the perfection and oneness of our humanity. We are all simply in this amazing process of life and perfect exactly as we are.
And, in this perfection, it is also such a relief to see that no matter what level of consciousness we find ourselves in, we will always have areas of our life in which we don’t fully see the role of thought in creating our experience and will suffer as a consequence. Knowing this takes the pressure off. I feel free to stop striving for perfection, and am, consequently, more able to enjoy exactly where I am at in this awakening process. I know it is unfolding, and I cannot screw it up, no matter what, because it is not up to me.
Whenever we experience big feelings, it is often difficult to see that these are the result of thoughts. It is much easier to recognize that our experience is created from thought when we are not upset. One of the big shifts in my work after being exposed to the Three Principles, is that when people come to see me for an “issue” rather than delving into the content of the issue, I instead point in the opposite direction, away from the content, toward understanding more about life, truth, and our spiritual nature. We are all infinite. We each have the capacity to open to the formless potential of our divine nature and experience seeing things anew and fresh. When we look in this direction it opens up our minds, stabilizes us, and allows us to open to new thought. As George Pransky said today, “Understanding is all that is needed.” When our level of understanding goes up, we see anew. Every area of our life is impacted, and in the meantime, even before our understanding shifts, it feels better to not spend time focused on what is wrong and trying to fix it.
Previously, it made sense to me to look for solutions to my problems in the content of my thinking. My intellect was king. I thought I could think my way out of suffering or emote my way into happiness. What I didn’t see was how this constricted my mind, narrowed my vision, and brought the problem into greater focus making it seem bigger and more real. When looking away from the problem and toward my understanding, the problem would shrink down to size and my mind would open to possibilities.
This applies to all areas of my life, but the one that stands out most is how this has helped my marriage. One thing that used to really destabilize me was when my husband, Angus, was mad at me. Sometimes it would feel like it came out of the blue. He, however, never felt that way. For him, his anger was always a reaction to my criticism. We lived in our separate realities, but desperately wanted the other person to switch to our reality. We would focus on trying to prove to each other how we were right. I would want him to hear my side and agree with my point of view. He couldn’t do that because it would invalidate his experience and position. We would eventually get over it and make up, but then the same fight would happen again over another situation.
I thought we could stop the discord by figuring things out when we weren’t fighting. This usually resulted in us getting upset with each other when we didn’t even start out feeling angry. We did couple’s therapy and learned techniques to help us communicate more civilly, but we never used them when we were upset, or we used them in ways that were mean spirited and hurtful. We did individual therapy, which pushed us closer and closer to divorce.
What actually shifted things for me, was one day, after I had been learning about how thought creates my experience, and how thought stands alone, unless I link it together, I saw that if Angus got mad at me I didn’t need to react. I saw that my upset was a temporary experience that I did not need to try and fix by getting angry at him. I recognized that it wasn’t really a problem for me for him to be angry, even if he was angry with me. He would get over it. I didn’t need to take it personally, and that was that.
This realization did not come from me focusing on the “problem” or us trying to fix our relationship. My understanding shifted from out of the blue, and when it did, what I saw was so simple it was just common sense. I saw it was not a big deal for Angus to get angry. It was not something I needed to be afraid of. I recognized his behavior was simply a reflection of him being temporarily caught up in his thinking and suffering as a result.My judgment of his anger and anger in general dissolved. Rather than seeing anger as wrong, it shrank down to size and became a normal human experience resulting from temporary thought.
This radically changed our marriage by increasing the good will. Angus no longer felt judged by me as not good enough. I stopped trying to change him. We both got better at accepting each others humanness. We enjoyed each others good qualities more and ignored the bad and the ugly in service to our happiness. We had greater harmony, and so much more compassion for each others behavior when we were not at our best.
Even a small insight into seeing that all human experience comes from thought, and that thought may feel real, but it is not reality — it is subjective and transitory — was enough to free me from my righteousness and open my mind to experience more profoundly my true nature even when someone I love was angry with me. I know there is plenty more to see, and many blind spots to illuminate, but I am grateful for what I see now, and know that my understanding will continue to unfold and that is enough. Phew!
Rohini Ross is a psychotherapist, a leadership consultant, and an executive coach. She helps individuals, couples, and professionals connect more fully with their true nature so they can experience greater levels of wellbeing, resiliency, and success. Rohini co-facilitates three-day, couple relationship retreats with her husband, Angus Ross. You can find out more about Rohini’s work on her website, rohiniross.com.