I actively work against my desire to present only my best self. I resist the urge to using my writing to only show the parts of me I like. I forget who I am and have inclinations to try and feel worthy and good enough by seeing myself as better than and special. My need to look good and be the best, or at least better than, is still lurking in my consciousness. And I judge this harshly.
I don’t like that I feel queasy when I bare my soul and allow myself to be seen. I wish I had more tolerance and compassion for my fear. At times I see myself as weak because these beliefs still exist. And even though I may err in the other direction because of my distaste for my ego, but it doesn’t counteract the power of my judgment.
This week’s Vlog with Angus was about the importance of having emotional safety to support honesty in relationships. What creates emotional safety is acceptance. Acceptance is the opposite of judgment.
The irony is that my ego is judging itself and this magnifies my experience of the ego. Judgment is painful and it serves to hold the construct of the ego in place. It makes the ego look more real and monolithic. Why bother to judge something if it is not real? Judgment only makes sense for those things I think are real. My lack of acceptance does not help to create more room for honesty and clarity. It actually makes the limiting beliefs look more real. I’m not, of course, doing this on purpose. I am just noticing my craziness and lack of evolvement as it is.
What gets in the way of my self-acceptance is fear. Fear is behind it all. It is the fuel of the ego. Fear is compelling. It is founded on the false premise that the idea of the individual self is of primary importance and that it needs to be preserved at all costs. This constructed self believes it needs to be loved and liked. It creates painful narratives about unworthiness when it believes it is being rejected.
As a consequence of this belief system, all of my parts that are deemed not good enough are hidden under a metaphorical rock hidden from sight. I hide under this rock so I can’t be seen, but then I force myself to lift up the rock and share.
Hidden under the boulder of my judgment are beliefs like I am unworthy. I am not good enough. I’m not special. I am not important. I am bad. I am afraid. I am weak. I am unlovable.
I turn over the rock and share because the less I try to look good and hide, the freer I feel and the closer I feel to the oneness that is who we are. The expression of me is an expression of you. It is the same essence being expressed with the flavor of me, but the less flavor of me on it the better it feels. The fewer embellishments the more alive I feel.
Even though I am not at a level of consciousness where these limiting beliefs have disappeared, I don’t need to hide. In sharing, my judgments lose their power. They become less compelling. A bit more light shines underneath that rock, and I get more of a sense that the rock isn’t real. It looks a bit more made up.
Are you willing to step beyond the false ideas of your judgment and let your natural self be seen even if it feels like you are revealing the underside of the rock? None of that is true. It just feels that way. It is in the doing that the inner freedom becomes more apparent. It is through disobeying the rules of the ego and acting contrary to its fears that you get to step into the unknown and lived beyond the ideas of right-doing and wrong-doing as Rumi said. Safety is not in the illusion of control as the ego thinks. The magnificence is in the human spirit and the spiritual heart that beats as one in all of us.
I hope this encourages you to show up without embellishments. To share the natural you. The raw you. The wild, untamed you. You in your openness. You in your honesty. You in your nakedness. You as the vessel of God. You as the transmitter of love. You as the conduit of your true nature. Enjoy the freedom and aliveness of being your beautiful self.
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their full potential. She is a transformative coach, leadership consultant, regular contributor to Thrive Global, and author of the short-read Marriage. You can get her free eBook Relationships here. Rohini has an international coaching and consulting practice based in Los Angeles helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. Rohini is the co-founder of The 29-Day Rewilding Experience and The Rewilding Community. You can also subscribe to Rohini’s weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com. You can also follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, and watch her Vlogs with her husband. To learn more about her work go to her website, rohiniross.com.