This is the time of year when resolutions abound! It is traditional to make a fresh start on the first of January and be open to new beginnings. Out with the old and in with the new! The New Year inspires people to take action on being the best version of themselves.
What is your vision for yourself this year?
Mine includes having a house with closets and a garage that would make Marie Kondo proud. Enjoying pretty hands, fitting in to my Giorgio Armani suit that I bought after having two kids, but somehow, even though I am only two pounds heavier, my post menopausal shape makes it impossible for me to squeeze into it. And as grateful as I am for our home, my ideal self has a home with acreage where our daughters can also build homes if they choose. This maybe a temporary vision and simply a reflection of me struggling with teenage individuation and an impending empty nest, but it looks good now. I also see myself as a better mother and a better wife. I am more laid back and less anxious. My books are written and published.
As you can see I have an infinite amount of possibilities for New Year’s resolutions, but I am not going to make any.
Here is why
The present moment is where it is at and anything that takes me out of the present moment or has me judge my present moment as not good enough creates suffering. Suffering puts me at a greater chance for using coping mechanisms that always come with a downside. My habitual coping mechanism of cuticle chewing bugs the hell out of my husband Angus and leaves me feeling too embarrassed to have a manicure.
If I judge myself as not good enough as I am, or my life as not good enough as it is, I am more likely to use coping mechanisms that leave my fingers disfigured and put me further away from fitting into my Armani suit.
Resolutions create pressure for me to be a certain way that I am not ready to be yet. If I were, I would already be there. Living with pressure makes me more likely to engage in behaviors that will take me in the opposite direction of my resolution goals.
What if being okay or even loving exactly where you are is what ultimately gets you closer to your resolution goals or something better? What if making peace with it all, including making peace with not being at peace, brings out the best in you? What if a radical acceptance that has room for non-acceptance allows you to flourish?
Do we need pressure to perform? Do we need to suffer to be our best selves? What if we don’t? What if we are our best selves when we are free? What if our innate loving nature and zest for life is enough? What if you are enough exactly as you are?
I can hear the buts
But what about your vision for your best self that includes tidy closets, fitting into your suit, nice hands, books published, owning acreage? If you accept yourself, aren’t you just going to stagnate? Isn’t that giving up and resigning yourself to the law of entropy?
No! I am talking about the opposite of resignation. I am talking about seeing the beauty in it all. Embracing the juiciness of the human experience and celebrating yourself exactly as you are! When there is no judgment, when there is simply “what is”, you are free to appreciate who you are in this moment. When there is no getting it wrong — that is freedom, the freedom to be your magnificent self and to live your best life. Freedom is when you are you! The more psychological freedom you experience, the more fun life is, and the more you are at your best!
Does it make sense to tie yourself up in resolutions and expectations? There is no end to self-improvement. There is always more you can vision for yourself. You will always be able to see ways you can be better. This is the opposite of freedom. It is an exhausting and incessant cycle of striving for more. There will always be more, but you don’t have to always want more.
What if this New Year you revel in you with no expectations and no pressure on yourself? What if you enjoy the now in whatever form it takes without judgment?
What makes this possible is seeing this as true. It can’t be manipulated or forced. But when you see it — this is freedom. Within this freedom you will have energy and inspiration to enjoy life. Freedom fills you up inside. From this state of mind, there is the enjoyment of just being, and there will be action and doing too. Not because you have to, but because you genuinely want to. You will take inspired action rather than fear based action. There will also be change and transformation inwardly and outwardly as a natural consequence of a deeper experience of wellbeing. The change will not be the result of pressure and demands.
You are enough. Can you see that? No resolutions are needed. Self-improvement is out there and in the future. Your “enoughness” is now. Can you feel it? Let the feeling guide you to your source. Allow wellbeing to point you in the direction of your true nature. See yourself and your life from the knowing of your wholeness and perfection, and simply do what occurs to you from there.
For me, love is what often naturally emerges. Love as an experience, and love as a verb. May you feel my love, and may it wake up you up to the love that is you. Wishing you a Happy New Year!
Rohini Ross is passionate about helping people wake up to their true nature. She is a psychotherapist, a transformative coach, and author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1). She has an international coaching practice helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of wellbeing, resiliency, and success. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, watch her Vlogs with her husband, Angus Ross, and subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com. She has an upcoming program The Solopreneur Leap co-facilitated with Barb Patterson starting January 15th, 2018.