Finding Freedom Behind Bars
I spent the weekend with some of the most successful men I know. That is if you measure success by a person’s ability:
- to be an effective communicator through expressing openly, honestly, and authentically,
- to be emotionally mature, accountable, and to take personal responsibility,
- to be committed to supporting the betterment, growth and development of others,
- to be generous,
- to recognize the importance of family and relationships, and
- to not go against personal values in order to fit in, even if it places one’s life at risk.
It just so happens that these men live at Valley State Prison.
I have been four times to Valley State Prison as a volunteer for the Freedom to Choose Foundation. Their mission is “to provide an experiential educational process through which people are both taught and inspired to make better choices resulting in positive changes in behavior reflecting enhanced self-esteem.” My role as a volunteer is to be of service and support the educational process. Each time I attend I am surprised by how much I learn from the participants.
As I reflected on what an extraordinary experience this weekend was, I wondered about what real success means to me? So much of what I have been conditioned to believe is that my success is measured by how much I have achieved, how much money I have made, my level of career notoriety, how well adjusted my children are, how well I get along with my husband, what car I drive, how well I have prepared for retirement, how much fun I can have, and how good my health is. When I look at what is behind all of these outside measures of success, I see the fundamental focus is on avoiding suffering and finding as many islands of pleasure possible amidst the hard work of avoiding pain.
This is diametrically opposed to what I experienced this weekend. Rather than having to work hard to avoid suffering, I simply slowed down and came into one accord with the volunteer intentions. I connected with the participants human to human and heart to heart. In the simplicity of this, I was able to experience the exquisiteness of the present moment more fully. My surroundings and circumstances became irrelevant to me. I felt fully alive and filled with gratitude. There was no focus on time or needing to be anywhere else.
For me, this feels like authentic success. It is the opposite of striving. It is the antithesis of needing anything to be different than it is. One of the slogans the volunteers use at the prison is, “Love it all.” This is a reminder that I experience my real success when I am in the moment, present, and open to what is. When I access this state of mind, I know in a profound way that all is well. This is the foundation from which I can experience life and allow it to unfold around me.
In our society it is easy to get confused and think the feeling of well being that we all want to experience comes from outside of ourselves — when circumstances look a certain way. Spending time with the brothers in blue made it abundantly clear to me that they often experience greater levels of inner freedom and well being in prison than I do on the outside. The speed with which I can live my life striving to do more, get more, live more, achieve more, all because of the misunderstanding that somehow this will help me be more, speeds up my mind, and feeds the illusion that I can be more than I already am. Instead, however, it takes me further and further away from the infinite depth of loving inside of me.
I don’t need to go to prison to experience my well being, open heartedness and peace of mind. I can access it at anytime when I am not caught up in the insecurity of my ego trying to convince me that I need to prove my worth. I always have the option of not buying into my limiting beliefs that tell me to keeping pushing myself so much so that I miss being able to experience the present moment. Instead, I can show up to my life in a relaxed state. When I am in this state of mind, I can really be of service to my Self, my family, my clients, my community, and it is then that the possibilities truly reveal themselves to me.
I am grateful for the reminder this weekend that when I slow down and let my mind settle, I naturally drop into the loving of my heart. Thank you Freedom to Choose Foundation, volunteers, and the brothers in blue for cracking my heart open more, and waking me up more fully to my common sense so I can get off the merry-go-round of my driven perfectionism and feel the wellbeing of the natural state of my Authentic Self. That is what I call effortless success.
May this post help you to slow down long enough to realize that where you are trying to get to is a mirage, and that you already have the real oasis within you.
Christine Heath & Judy Sedgeman – Spirituality and Resilience
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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