Stop Trying to Escape Your Humanness and Surrender to Your Loving Essence
If the only thing people learned was not to be afraid of their experience,
that alone would change the world. — Sydney Banks
Wellbeing and peace exist within us. They are a state of mind, a level of consciousness, we can all experience. The only thing that gets in the way of us residing in that state of mind is when we get gripped by anxious thoughts that take us out of our natural capacity for equanimity. When this happens there is no doing needed. We can simply relax and let our thoughts settle so we can fall back into our natural state of well being.
People spend thousands of dollars and thousands hours trying to have more good feelings. Self-care is a buzzword that has become, in some circles, an obsession. This is based on a misunderstanding that if we take care of ourselves enough, and in the right ways, we will be able to avoid the human emotional experience of fluctuation of mood and quality of thinking. The truth is we can’t escape being human, nor do we really want to.
This resistance to our experience is based on fear. The fear results from a lack of understanding. We don’t need to be afraid of our experience. No matter how intense our feelings might get in any given moment, they are transitory. They come and they go — always. And, not only are feelings transitory, but they are also the result of thoughts that are subjective. Thoughts change all the time, and so do our feelings.
Our experience is only a moment to moment reflection of our thoughts. One moment I might be feeling relaxed and calm, the next moment I might get wrapped up in anxious thoughts and feel stressed out. That is the nature of being human, and the more pressure I put on myself not to feel certain feelings or have certain thoughts the less resilient I am. The more overall stress I hold because I am rigidly trying to control my experience.
It is easier to relax into whatever my experience is, now matter what the feelings are. If I don’t like them they will pass. If I do like them they will pass. Nonetheless, it feels better, either way, to let them come and go. When I am able to do this, my feelings are less likely to drive my behavior. I will be less reactive and better able to be or do what works for me, independent of how I am feeling, because I am not distressed by my mood and my feeling state.
This is liberating! I spent many years working on myself. I thought I needed to be fixed. Only to discover, all I was doing was trying to avoid the human experience. Being human is terminal, but it is not pathological. If I don’t need to be fixed, because I am simply human, what an extraordinary amount of time and energy this frees up for me to focus on enjoying and living my life. I no longer have to spend so much time focusing on myself, and I am freed up to be of service. I can teach others and help them see they don’t need to be fixed. They don’t have any issues either. All any of us has is insecure thinking that we get caught up in from time to time, and it temporarily takes us out of our experience of our natural wellbeing.
I was struck by an incredible example that was shared with me this week of how we can feel peace in any circumstance. A young man told me he found himself in a life threatening situation and believed his death was imminent. When this happened, he was overcome by a profound sense of peace and calm. He found himself basking in the extraordinary beauty of his surroundings. From this state of mind, he connected with his wisdom, and he saw his way out. He was guided from within, and able to escape his death.
This quiet state of mind is an internal experience available to all of us. In this state, we connect with the wisdom and genius that is of us and greater than us. We don’t need to be in a life threatening situation to experience it. It is what happens when we don’t identify with the chatter of our personal thinking. When we let the noise of our ego become a background flow of thought and open to experience our consciousness in the foreground. From this place, the potential in each moment is clear. The beauty in each moment is breathtaking. The gratitude in each moment is heart opening. It doesn’t get better than this, and this is our natural state.
Our experience of angst from buying into our personal thinking is not our true self. We don’t need to organize our lives to try and avoid our angst. Nor do we need to dive into our angst to attempt to change it. We can accept our uncomfortable thoughts and the resulting feelings. We can let them be so that they take up less mental space and do not drive our behavior. The quietness of our consciousness can come into the foreground, not just when we are meditating, but when we are living too.
This is a lifestyle, not a technique. It is a way of being that is natural to each one of us, but we have been conditioned to protect ourselves from the experience of uncomfortable feelings by looking for answers in the intellect or by engaging in distracting behavior. All this does is point us in the direction of trying to escape our human experience by doing something.
Instead of doing, I am advocating for being — being yourself, relaxing into your humanness, loving it all, even the things and the people you don’t like. And, most importantly, loving yourself, with all of your beautiful strengths, quirks, and weaknesses. This is where the perfection lies, in exactly what is. We don’t need to wait to be looking into the jaws of death until we see it. It is here. It is now. We just need to see it.
Are you willing to see yourself, and what is, with a quiet mind? Are you ready to experience the fullness of your loving nature that is divine?
Christine Heath & Judy Sedgeman – Spirituality and Resilience
When you no longer give authority to the fear-based thoughts in your consciousness, all you are left with is happiness. Through the teachings of Sydney Banks, you can see how your psychological functioning works, which makes you less compelled to follow those thoughts that do not serve you. Becoming more aware of the wholeness and integration of both your human and spiritual natures helps to ground you in the unchanging essence of who you are, and ride out the ups and downs of your emotional experience more gracefully. Accepting the normalcy of your humanness will naturally reduce your anxiety and fear and enhance your joy and happiness in each moment. By placing less pressure on yourself to feel a certain way or be hung up on self-improvement, you may find that low moods do not derail or debilitate you; instead, you will become much more attuned to your innate wellbeing and peace of mind and experience more happiness as a result.
Greater psychological freedom is the gift that keeps on giving. How grateful would you feel if you no longer had to listen to your negative, self-punishing and painful inner narrative, day in and day out? Understanding the role of thought and recognizing how it creates your feelings of insecurity and self-doubt is truly liberating! You will be better able to hear and heed your inner wisdom and become less driven by the noisy thoughts of fear and constriction. As an ongoing practice, this allows you to more fully experience your resilience and reach a greater sense of clarity about how you want to move forward in your life. As a result, you can live in a way that feels authentic and true in every area, including your career, family, home, creative expression, play, relationships and overall well-being.
Your ability to enjoy life comes from being present in the moment rather than caught up in habitual, negative thoughts that take you out of the Now. Sydney Banks’ wisdom supports you in becoming aware of how you get seduced by your limited personal thinking and thus, create a painful reality of misunderstanding, fear and restriction. When you recognize how and why this happens, you can step free of the pattern. This understanding assists you to dismiss unhelpful thoughts and not take them seriously. Unlike traditional self-help or therapy, experiencing more psychological freedom and enjoyment does not rely on techniques. There are no magic bullets on the path of well-being. All you need to do is follow an internal compass that points to the truth of who you really are—beyond transient thoughts to your unchanging, formless essence.
In our culture, success is often associated with hard work and narrowly defined as material gain. However, authentic success, as shared by Sydney Banks, includes such intangibles as happiness, well-being, love, joy, compassion, and peace of mind that are innate in each one of us, along with outward goals and achievements. It honors the whole person in all walks of life, whether you are a professional, leader, executive, solopreneur, employee, mother, teacher or student. From this knowing and experience, you can access the infinite wellspring of love that is your essence, then share your gifts with the world from a place of fulfillment and meaning, through a profound understanding of the interaction between your psychological and spiritual natures. While conventional success can deplete you, authentic success only fills you up.
Are you self-critical, hard on yourself, and constantly trying to “fix” whatever you think is wrong with you? Perhaps you have tried all kinds of different personal growth techniques and spiritual practices in the hope of solving all your problems. This cycle can be exhausting and never-ending, because there will always be something to improve about yourself, from that mindset. Sydney Banks’ teachings can help you to see how your humanness is normal and not something that needs fixing: as a spiritual person, you don’t need to change or eradicate your humanness! Seeing yourself as normal allows you to love and accept yourself exactly as you are—warts and all. Adopting this perspective naturally brings out the best in you and helps to find peace with your personality. Self-love and self-acceptance is your natural state, and any disconnection from your true nature is only temporary. What a relief!
One of the first areas people often experience profound transformation from the teachings of Sydney Banks is in their relationships, both personal and professional. While it often seems like another person’s irritation, anger, indifference, insensitivity, rudeness, etc., directly affects your experience, in reality your disturbance is a product of your own individual thinking. By making someone else responsible for how you feel, that person automatically becomes the cause of your suffering. Once you understand that you always have a place of well-being inside, independent of another’s behavior, it is easier to maintain equanimity through their changing moods and behaviors. Romantically, you may experience deeper love and intimacy with your partner, but the teachings benefit all relationships. This awareness supports more authentic connection and expression, while facilitating greater understanding, improved communication, reduced reactivity, more acceptance of self and others, and improved ability to work out differences and find common ground. Best of all, just one person shifting in a relationship is enough to transform it.
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