Saying Yes For An Easy Life

Angus used to take what looked like the easy route by saying yes to Rohini in order to avoid a potential emotional reaction on her part, but it usually still ended in grief and suffering down the road because he wouldn't follow through and Rohini would feel disappointed and dismayed by his disregard for keeping agreements. Have a deeper connection with their wellbeing coming from within helped them both.   When Angus became more connected with his inner wellbeing, he was less concerned about Rohini's emotional reactions, and with Rohini being more connected with her wellbeing she was less emotionally reactive. She...

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The Ego Doesn’t Know When to Stop

Angus points to how easy it is to get sucked in the ego’s desire for more. From the personal view, there is never enough. The ego keeps looking for the pot of gold thinking just one more thing and then I will feel better. It is easy to get caught up in this pattern. Rohini had a sore back and wasn’t feeling well earlier in the week. She recognized how she got enamored with her intellect and forgot to listen to her deeper wisdom that was telling her to relax and slow down. In addition to the constellation of thoughts...

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Navigating Defensiveness In Relationships

Defensiveness is a common occurrence in relationships when one person takes another person's behavior personally. Angus and Rohini had a recent experience where Rohini was angry and Angus got defensive. In the past, this would have resulted in a downward spiral of conflict that could have lasted for days. Instead, it lasted for about ten minutes. The difference this time was Angus was able to witness himself being pulled in two directions. He saw one train of thought telling him to protect himself and remain defensive and another train of thought that was compassionate. The compassionate train won and he was able to see Rohini...

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The Secret Sauce For Relationships

Heartfelt apologies and being able to make up after conflict is the secret sauce that makes relationships resilient and increases intimacy and goodwill. Even though Angus and Rohini were naturally inclined to get over things and move on, Rohini couldn't help herself and brought yet another technique into their relationship. This did not foster goodwill and felt inauthentic. For the secret sauce to work it needs to be genuine and heartfelt.   Angus & Rohini Ross are "the Rewilders." They love working with couples and helping them to reduce conflict and discord in their relationships by pointing them to their innate wisdom...

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Emotional Safety & Honesty In Relationships

I learned the hard way that emotional safety is what allows for open, honest, authentic communication in relationships. At the beginning of our relationship, my rigidity and judgment did not create the fertile ground for Angus to talk about his struggle with drugs. Rather than this increasing intimacy, it created a wall between us. Honesty flourishes in the container of love and compassion where each person can be fully heard and understood even when there isn't agreement. From this place of understanding, polarization dissolves, and hopefulness and possibility can bloom. Fortunately, we got better at this over the years. We...

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What’s Wrong With Soul-Gazing Before Sex?

Rohini admits to trying to use techniques and strategies to try and improve her relationship with Angus. Angus reveals his least favorite technique she attempted to implement. Eventually, Rohini realized she was trying to use all of the techniques and strategies to try and change Angus because she thought if he were different she would feel safer and more loved. What was really missing was a deeper connection with her true nature of love and wellbeing. When Rohini experienced a deeper connection with her essential nature, she no longer needed to change Angus to feel better, and Angus was given...

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Mixed Marriage: Neurotypical & Neurodiverse

We all have learned conditioning that we see the present moment through. Angus is having flashbacks to his painful days of tutoring when we work on our podcast. This led to him having a meltdown last week. This was an important reminder for both of us to respect the neurodiversity in our relationship and find ways to understand and support each other rather than trying to make one size fit all. And it is actually Angus that puts the pressure on himself to conform rather than respect what his needs are because he was told so many times that he...

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Resolving Struggles Over Household Chores

We have separate realities around household chores. Angus is "visually sensitive." Rohini likes to leave things out as a reminder to do them. Angus feels like the kitchen sometimes looks like a Salvador Dali nightmare and would rather it be more in the theme of a Renoir. Add teenagers into the mix and feelings around household chores can run high. What we have found helpful to remember is, if you are in a low mood, do not take your thinking seriously. Instead, put the oxygen mask on yourself first.   We do our best not to engage in problem-solving from a low...

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The Game of Taking Things Personally

It is so much easier to not take things personally with someone you aren't close to. The lack of a close relationship helps you to keep your perspective and not make it about you. However, with people that you are close with, it can be hard to see the big picture and not feel hurt by their behavior even over insignificant things like dishes left in the sink. Angus uses a video game metaphor to point to what helps to have more inner stability. When you realize you are the gamer and not the game, it is easier to be...

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My Partner is Driving Me Crazy

My partner is driving me more crazy than usual. This topic has been coming up in Rohini’s coaching conversations. It is something we can both relate to. What we recognize for ourselves is that this is not a reflection of the other person’s behavior, but a reflection of our state of mind. Angus uses the example of my picking my cuticles to illustrate this point. When he is in a low mood it drives him crazy. When he is in a good mood it doesn’t bother him. We share this as a reminder and an invitation to you to look...

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