It is starting to feel like the holiday season in my home. Our eldest daughter just got home from college. My husband Angus and our youngest daughter found and put up our Christmas tree. The laser lights are sparkling outside. Angus’ birthday is just around the corner. There is a festive air, but the holidays can be difficult for people too. There are often high expectations for joy and connection that don’t get met. I have talked to some people who say they feel lonelier this time of year and others who feel the loss of loved ones more poignantly.
Whatever your experience, it is helpful to see that putting pressure on yourself to feel differently or to do better is never helpful. Not this time of year or any other. We are so conditioned to think it is a problem when we have a bad feeling. We are bad feeling phobic. It is good to know when you are not in a good feeling state, but not so you can react to it. Simply to have it as an indicator that your state of mind is not at its best. It lets you know when you are pointing your mind in a direction that is not serving you. It is a good wake up call to relax and be kind and gentle with yourself.
I have been seeing lots of posts about stress and the holidays. Feelings of stress let you know when you are caught up in thinking life will be better when something is different out there. Even this morning when I thought about Christmas shopping I felt stress. This is not bad or wrong. It simply lets me know that I am thinking life would be better if I didn’t have to go shopping this weekend. It looked to me at that moment that my happiness would be coming from having my shopping done. This may seem like a silly or trivial example, but it translates to everything. A client might say to me I hate the holidays because I am alone. I don’t have children. I’m not in a relationship. I feel terrible. Now those may be factual, but that is not where the unhappiness comes from. Unhappiness comes from the misunderstanding that inner well-being is dependent on being in a relationship and having children. It doesn’t, but when we think it does our feelings reflect those beliefs. That is the gift of consciousness.
But what about loss?
People say course, the holidays would feel better if the loved ones who are no longer with us were here. How can I be so cruel and unfeeling to say otherwise? A client recently said that if she really embraced the understanding I was sharing with her that she would become a robot. I see it completely differently. The small and limited time that I genuinely see my feelings of peace and well-being are not dependent on anything outside of me or on my thoughts, feelings, and behaviors being a certain way, I experience freedom. The feeling fills me up with the experience of well-being and peace. At those times I feel full of life and vibrancy. I feel the opposite of a robot. I feel alive and vital. This means I am okay with whatever my feeling experience is in that moment. I don’t need it to feel a certain way in order to be okay. I might feel grief and loss fully, but my well-being is not lost in that experience.
I do not live here all the time. I have plenty of times in my life when it looks to me like life would be better if… But even just knowing that is what I am doing makes this feel less painful. Just a small taste of the infinite peace and love that is who I am, goes a long way to making the times I forget easier to bear.
My wish for you this holiday season is that you experience the love and peace of who you are more fully in whatever circumstance or state of mind you find yourself in, and when it looks like life would be better if… May you not need to change that or make yourself wrong for it. May you have compassion for your experience in the moment and know nothing can stop you from being who you are. Your true nature is always right there. You have all you need to navigate any life circumstance. You are your greatest resource. Your love, wisdom, and peace of mind are right there within you. All it takes is to look in that direction with an open or some might say empty mind. Sending you love!
If you would like to look in the direction of your Authentic Self with a delightful group of people and explore an understanding that leads to greater inner freedom and effortless access to your potential join Barb Patterson and me for this two-day workshop New Year. Fresh Start. in January. Click here to learn more. And if you are a Solopreneur and would like to be part of a dynamic group as you take your business to the next level here is the link for our upcoming Mastermind. If you sign up for the Mastermind by December 15th, the New Year. Fresh Start workshop is included for FREE.
Rohini Ross is excited to present The Soul-Centered Series: Psychology, Spirituality, and the Teachings of Sydney Banks with the original students of Sydney Banks in Santa Monica, CA. She is passionate about helping people wake up to their true nature. She is a transformative coach and trainer, and author of Marriage (The Soul-Centered Series Book 1). She has an international coaching practice helping individuals, couples, and professionals embrace all of who they are so they can experience greater levels of well-being, resiliency, and success. You can follow Rohini on Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram, watch her Vlogs with her husband, Angus Ross, and subscribe to her weekly blog on her website, rohiniross.com.